i don't understand why, but i'm kinda nervous about writing this post. maybe because it's been a while. maybe it's because i'm just neurotic. or maybe because i'm thinking about writing something that could potentially bring me to uncontrollable sobs.
anyway, the good news is ... i'm finally engaged to my best truest friend, the love of my life, the key to my emotional security and happiness, ayis. the whole event was kinda impromptu, unprepared, with last minute changes and decisions being pushed and pulled. but thank god, mama is such a magic-worker at crunch time. she's just at her best under pressure. everyhing turned out great. everybody loved her laksa johor. no surprise there .. she makes the best.
it wasn't supposed to be an engagement, initially. we only planned to have a few representatives from his side, meeting a few from mine to confirm of wedding date and all that. but somewhow, interventions had turn it into an almost complete engagement reception. with hantaran and a big ring and all that. i was totally overwhelmed. especially with the ring. because it wasn't the one we originally bought together. it was much much much better.
we've set a date for the wedding, but i'll only shout it out once we've got the invitation cards ready. preparation is underway and oh my god there's still a lot more to be done but not that much time. still a lot more to buy but not enough money to get them. it's stressing me out. although, amidst all these chaos and control issues, deep down i know i'm gonna have a wonderful wedding day. i've gotta constantly remind myself though, which ayis keeps on reminding me ... "it's not just my big day. it's a big day for my parents too. most of all, just make them happy".
happy moments aside, the day before my engagement, we received news from JB that my maternal grandmother had a stroke and was hospitalised. she was supposed to come to KL to witness me getting engaged, but i guess Allah had a better plan for her. i almost wanted to postpone the engagement, but my grandmother told my mom to just get on with it. on sunday, we got a call that she took a turn for the worse. so, after we've finished cleaning up and doing the dishes, we shot straight home to JB.
she was in a terrible state when we got to her. her left side paralyzed. she can't talk. can't open her eyes. she did open her eyes for a bit and the only thing she wanted to see was my ring. after i've showed it to her, she closed her eyes again and never opened since.
we got back to KL only to return back to JB on wednesday. she was getting worse. her vitals dropped and we took her home. everyone was there - her 2 daughters, her 4 sons and her grandchildren. we just stood by her, taking turns taking care of her. taking turns reciting the yasin and al-fatihah until she drew her last breath on 10.10 pm, 29th August 2007 with all her family and friends by her side.
it was peaceful, the way she left. her eyes were close shut, my mother says she seemed to have had all her wishes fulfilled. she always prayed and spoken about wanting to die on a wednesday, the day she was born. and that she wanted to go during the month of Syaaban. and she did. she didn't suffer much. i mean, not like most people who had stroke and was bed-ridden for months, even years before they die. for that, i'm thankful to Allah, for making it easy on her.
she had a beautiful soul, tok mak. ever the philanthropist. giving out money, clothes, food, time .. anything she could practically give to people who needed it. she'd even stop dump trucks to give drinks to the garbage collectors. that's how wonderful she was. she had a beautiful smile too. and the most amazing laugh.
i regret only one fact. that i didn't go back to JB with mom for a cousin's wedding the week before my engagement, when my mom asked me to. i didnt even give her a solid reason as to why i didnt want to go. if i knew that was the last time i were to see her smiling, laughing, talking, running back and forth from the living room to her kitchen, squishing my face between her palms to kiss me .... i would've gone back.
you'll forever be in our memories and prayers tok mak. i love you.
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