i always thought that my birthday was a special day but heck yeah, it's more special than i thought! (perasan mode on!)

i just found out something cool about my birthday. see i was born at 2 something PM on 31 December 1979, which was on a monday. and the islamic date was 10 Safar 1400H. the cool part of it is that it was during the beginning of a new islamic century, at the beginning of the week, and on the eve of a new decade. how eventful is that? i gotta thank my mom for holding me in for 5-6 days longer than she should have.

sexy is a state of mind : warning. a perasan post

tagged by Shia, because apparently, she thinks i am sexy. thanks, beb!

normally, as bona-fide wanker as i am, i hate posting up photos of myself. because i don't make any effort to look pretty in pictures. i wont even fix my hair when people take photos of me. thus, the results are mostly ugly-ass fuckface looking portraits. i don't have pretty ones, let alone sexy. and since i became a mom, sexy is the last thing i think i feel. but hey, sexy is a state of mind. what i think is sexy, others might think is boring. what they think is sexy, i may think as a lame, cheap, desperate cry for attention.

THE RULES:

1. Snap or just shift through the photo gallery and pick 3 pics of yours which you think are sexy.
2. Don't have to be revealing (though some people say SEXY IS SKIN), Explain why you think so
3. Tag 3 friends (whom you think are sexy)

because this is the most gedik photo i have in my possesion. the curls are natural, by the way. heh. this was a couple of hours after i had a shower and i just air-dried my hair and it became like that.



taken by my brother falie a couple of weeks before the wedding at Berjaya Hills. i think this is sexy because this was right before the baby happened. and look at my boobs (or perhaps just boob from this side)! they were still a long way from touching my belly button!



one of the only moments i look at myself and saw a MILF! (haha. perasan tak hengat)

i tag all you sexy people.

it's either this, or another episode of supernatural. and yes, i am at work, in case you're wondering

tagged by Mel.

1. Last beverage :
2 glasses of cincau at the famous gerai Nasi Ayam Aunty in melawati's food court.
2. Last phone call :
*wait, checking my phone history* my husband on 19/02/09 at 4.13 pm. (i hate calling people ok? i just wait for people to call me. which is why the maxis postpaid schemes doesnt work for me)
3. Last text message :
my breastfriend farrah on 27/2/09, telling people she's gonna be fine. that the tumour thing was a misdiagnosis and after seeking second opinion it was only a bloodclot. THANK GOD! alhamdulillah kau okay beb.
4. Last song you listened to :
0% interest by jason mraz. because i've got only 3 days to warm up so i can prepare my mind body and soul for his concert this wednesday. whoa yeah!
5. Last time you cried :
last month, i think? honestly i dont remember the times that i cry. they're bygones and i leave it at that. move on.

HAVE YOU EVER :
6. Dated someone twice : no
7. Been cheated on? :
yes. by this dude named E-One (gedik tak nama?). he lives somewhere near my house and he actually cheated on me with someone that lives close to us as well. he's so stupid, it's bound to get caught.
9. Lost someone special? :
my grandparents
10. Been depressed? :
blue and emo used to be my middle names. (gila emo)
11. Been drunk?
drunk no, because i dont drink. high on caffeine, on a daily basis.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. #000000
13. #B93B8F
14. #C11B17
(ha carik lah. dah abis geek dah jawapan tu)

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU :
15. Made new friends :
only through my blog. nice reading you people!
16. Fallen out of love : no
17. Laughed until you cried :
laughed till i peed, yes
18. Met someone who changed you :
it's still arwen. everyday she does something that changes my life
19. Found out who your true friends were :
i have always known they were true friends from the moment we laughed at each other. only certain people can get our jokes and sarcasm and not take to heart when we pull a joke at each our own expanse. only they can say that i'm fat and my boobs are big and i am a bimbo when i have my occasional bimbo moments without me ever getting hurt by their statements. they don't judge me. i love uols. (geli aku ayat ni!)
20. Found out someone was talking about you :
talk lah. like i care? it's your right to talk and have opinions. i'm not here to make friends. i'm here to serve my duty as a daughter, a mother, a wife, an employee, as a servant of Allah. my life is pretty much complete physically and emotionally (i am working on the spiritual part) and i have achieved more than what i expect in life. no amount of badmouthing can hurt me. unless, if you say that my daughter is fugly. that would totally hurt me.


21. How many kids do you want to have :
hopefully just 2. but i dont know, accidental babies have happened before.
22. Do you have any pets : Keeno & Chicka!
23. Do you want to change your name :
can i add a 'Princess' in front? kthnxbye
24. What did you do for your last birthday : nothing much
25. What time did you wake up today :
8.00 am. the moment arwen wakes up for bathtime.
26. What were you doing at midnight last night :
watching half an episode of supernatural. that's the only time i can watch anything, man, give me a break.
27. Name something you CANNOT wait for : arwen walking
28. Last time you saw your father :
this morning when he and mom drop me off to work (yes, i am going to be 30 and my parents STILL send me to work. *insert the answer i got for Q20 here*)
29. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life :
slightly smaller jeans size, please?
30. What are you listening to right now :
Plane by Jason Mraz (hey, i have jason mraz on loop ok? get off my case)
31. What's getting on your nerves right now? :
seeing that i am only at question number 31 and i still have a long way to go to get this done. ppfbt!
32. Whats your real name : Ellisha Mraz
33. Relationship Status : married to somebody who isnt Mraz
34. Zodiac sign : capricorn. which puts a lot of things in perspective now, doesn't it?
35. Male or female : i throw like a girl, but i sit like a boy. there.
36. Elementary : CBN
37. Middle School : CBN
38. High school : CBN
39. Hair color : its burgundy right now. who knows what it'd be next month.
40. Long or short :
just a few inches over the shoulder. im waiting for it to grow back to its majestic length and natural waves. (gila vain dan perasan)
41. Height :
not tall enough to be a model. but just tall enough not to be a midget.
42. Do you have a crush on someone? JASON MRAZ!
43. What do you like about yourself?
the fact that i dont mind buying cheap ass stuff to wear and will gladly be comparing and competing with my friend farrah on whose shit is the cheapest.
44. Piercings :
ears and bellybutton. the one on the bellybutton is gone. i think the ones on the ears still function. it's been a while since i wore any earings. baby tarik tarik sakit woh!
45. Tattoos : nope
46. Righty or lefty : right


FIRSTS :
47. First surgery : never
48. First piercing :
14 years old. my mom says she'd only let me do when i want and am ready to do it. i'll do the same with arwen
49. First tattoo : none
50. First best friend : my brother falie
51. First sport you joined : rhythmic gymnastics for 7 years
52. First pet : an orange tabby named Garfield
53. First vacation remembered : bangkok in the late 80s
54. First concert : incubus in 2004 (ye ke nash 2004?)
55. First crush : Jon of NKOTB
56. First alcohol drink : i'll let you know if i do it


RIGHT NOW:
57. Eating : my words
58. Drinking : a mug of hot chocolate
59. I'm about to : write a rationale for a 2010 calendar design
60. Listening to : JASON MRAZ!
61. Waiting for : 6 pm, my husband picks me up and we're going home to arwen yay!


YOUR FUTURE :
62. Want kids? maybe just another one
63. Want to get married? again? no thanks. this is it.
64. Careers in mind?
maybe a small business. something crafty and creative which can be set up at home. i would put this blog up as advertising space so i can generate some money out of it. but i like cussing too much to give it up. besides, i don't want to be a sell-out.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
65. Lips or eyes : eyes
66. Hugs or kisses : kisses
67. Shorter or taller : taller
68. Older or Younger : not too young, not too old
69. Romantic or spontaneous : spontaneous
70. Nice stomach or nice arms : i prefer nice manners more than anything
71. Tattoos or piercings : piercings, but not over the top though. takat sebelah telinga cukup lah.
72. Sensitive or loud : neither
73. Hook-up or relationship : marriage (takes a man to commit!)
74. Trouble maker or hesitant : hesitant (at least the hesitant one asks your opinion first and considers your point of view)

HAVE YOU EVER :
75. Kissed a stranger : no. too much of a wuss
76. Drank hard liquor : no
77. Lost glasses/contacts : yeah. prom night 1996. took off my glasses coz it wasnt cool enough, slit it near my cleavage, did the macarena and lost it. only realized it after the night was over.
78. Sex on first date : no
79. Broken someone's heart : quite a few
80. Had your own heart broken : many times. poetic justice, i think?
81. Been arrested? : no
82. Turned someone down : yes. i am sorry. the heart wants what the heart wants, you know what i mean?
83. Cried when someone died : everytime. even when i didnt know that person personally. when i look at a family member crying, it'd send me to tears.
84. Liked a friend that is a girl? : Farrah, I LOVE YOU, beb!

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
85. Yourself : not as much as i need to
86. Miracles : when it happens, yeah but otherwise, i'll remain a cynic.
87. Love at first sight : i got married to him
88. Heaven : yes
89. Santa Claus : no
90. Kissing on the first date? : if the chemistry is right
91. Angels : yes


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
92. Is there one person you want to be with right now? : with arwen
93. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? : no. can't handle the stress
94. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever? : if you try hard enough
95. What's the one thing you cannot live without? : INTERNET! i don't remember what i was doing to waste my time in during the ignorant days without internet.
*skipped and deleted a few unrelated questions*
100. Posting this as 100 truth? : you know me!

25 (more) acts of random wankerness

i do this only because i got tagged in facebook, might as well just copy-paste so they don't go to waste. oh hey, i rhymed!

1. looking back now, i thank my years of suffering from constipation for my (sort of) easy childbirth. it was a subconscious effort for me to know how to bear down and just which muscles to use to push. seriously, pushing the baby out feels about the same as pushing hardened shit out. only bigger. and much more painful. definitely painful. thank god, i passed out soon after that and lost most, if not all recollection of the pain.
   
   
2. of course, i thank my brother too, for being there in the delivery room and coaching me on. dont think i'd know how to breathe right if it wasnt for him. tulah, hero sangat tak nak pergi prenatal classes. ingat takat tengok orang beranak kat youtube dah abis pandai and prepared kot?
   
   
3. i am a misanthrope. i'm ok with humankind, i love my friends and family, it's people in general i cant stand. i cant stand being in places crowded with people. i cant stand their smell. i cant stand people who think they're better, cleverer, saner, thinner, prettier, more religious and righteous than others.
   
   
4. and i especially cannot stand bodoh sombong type of people. dahlah bodoh, sombong pulak tu tak reti nak tanya. then, act like they're such a know-it-all, and when we try to correct them and stop them from making a big ass fool of themselves, give them our opinions, kita pulak kena tengking.
   
   
5. i love learning about animals. if i'm alone and have the tv remote all to myself, i'll usually tune in to animal planet (if there's no new movies to watch). but i hate shark week. i find that sharks are boring and overrated. i think female hyenas are the most noble, most courageous of creatures. seriously, try giving birth to puppies through a vagina that has the look and size of a pencil dick.
   
   
6. if i paid a little bit more attention in school and did all those homeworks, i think i couldve been a zoologist, or a vet, or something.
   
   
7. i think whoever coined the term 'sleep like a baby' must've been a husband. babies dont sleep like a baby! they just have sometimes, long, extended naps. the husbands (not talking about a specific husband in particular, just the general husband population), on the other hand .. can sleep through anything. mommies, we have to redefine this term. we have to call it 'sleep like the husband'
   
   
8. i like geeky guys. the more endorkened they are, the more i get the hots for them. like jason mraz, case in point. i dont need sweet-talking. just talk to me in technical languages i dont understand and that's it .. like butter to hot knife. they dont have to make sense, i dont even need to know what they're talking about. just as long as they sound smarter than me, i get weak in the knees.
   
   
9. we just got ourselves wireless broadband. but i have to take turns with the husband. i have to wait till he's done with it, only then i can have the luxury of surfing and blogging in bed while the baby and the husband are asleep. and let me just say, it is a blissful luxury. net in bed i mean. oh, and the sleeping baby too, yes of course.
   
   
10. i never really knew how true true love feels like until i had arwen. the moment she kicked my ribs and squeezed on my bladder to make me pee every few minutes or so, i was in love.
    
    
11. i am SLOWLY learning how to cook. SLOWLY.
    
    
12. i dont own designer clothes or shoes or bags or purses. just perfumes. i dont understand the need to pay thousands of bucks for something so superficial. the most expensive bag that i have costs around RM100 something or so, and it was part of my hantaran. i used to hate big bags, but am now embracing the idea of carrying expansive space under my arms to stuff so much stuff. babies come into the world naked, but they seem to have a lot more stuff than us, dont they?
    
    
13. i dont dare to wear skirts or dresses out in public. i got fat ugly stumpy legs. believe me, i'm doing the world a HUGE favour.
    
    
14. i used to be a fan of romance novels, especially the ones set in bygone imperial eras. now, i'm only into funny ones.
    
    
15. i fail at kissing ass. maybe because i dont know how to be tactful and mind what i say. which is why i suck at politics - the country, the office, the family, the friends' circle. i am not an agreeable type of person, as women often are, always confrontational when i have good reasons to be, and even when i dont say it to your face how much i think you stink, i'd serve you with some generous amount of sarcasm and cynicism.
    
    
16. i love intended puns. especially ones with sexual innuendoes. i know, they're corny. but they take a lot of wit and smart-assedness and plenty of funny bones to pull off. and just as much wit, smart-assedness and funny bones on the recieving end to get the punchline. just watch Whose Line Is It Anyway.
    
    
17. i still think Blair Witch Project is the scariest movie ever. it just messes with your head! i had nightmares after i saw it when i was in college. i swear i heard children's voices outside my room in the middle of the night.
    
    
18. i'll be turning 30 end of this year and honestly, i'm somewhat indifferent. im not freaking out about it or anything. i'm a mom now, i've got a lot more shit to be freaking out about.
    
    
19. i dont believe that 'time heals all wounds'. it doenst heal heartbreaks. in fact, time only makes it worse. the more time you have, the more you spend dwelling on it, the more you get depressed and the more you give up. the only cure for heartbreak is to move on and love again. of course, it is easier said than done. just dont wait too long. i waited almost 4 years and i was lucky to have met ayis. if i waited some more, if i thought 'maybe someone better than him will come along', i dont think i'd be able to find it again, ever.
    
    
20. dont look inside my closet. it is as messy as hell.
    
    
21. i still dont understand what the hype is all about with twilight.
    
    
22. i cant wait for Transformers : Revenge of the Fallen. the trailer is damn cun yo!
    
    
23. i would, on occasion, and only after i've tried everything else and failed, shove a boob into arwen's mouth just to shut her up, even though i know there's nothing left for her to suck for. cruel, i know. and like everything else, they too would fail. she doesn't know what to make of them. i've got broken boobs.
    
    
24. we have a stray dog hanging around our street. we are almost a 100% malay community in my area and thus, no dogs. this dog is really cheeky. it would go into neighbours' porches and steal a shoe and hide it. that's so random. i dont have anything else to talk about!
    
    
25. i like doing memes like this when i'm bored. very revealing. maybe just a desperate attempt to make people understand me? it's like bearing a piece of my soul a bit at a time. like strippers. heh.
    

sick mix

1. Put your music on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. NO CHEATING!
5. Tag others

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Maybe Tomorrow : Stereophonics
(typical me, procrastinator)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Calling All Angels : Lenny Kravitz

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Half A World Away : Esthero

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Nobody Knows : Tony Rich Project

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Kissing You : Des'ree (Romeo & Juliet Theme Song)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Beautiful : Goldfrapp
(HAHHAHAHHAH!! seriously korang, aku tak cheating. i swear!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sexual Healing : Ben Harper
(i know, right?)

WHAT IS 2+2?
Cry, Cry, Cry : Mazzy Star

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Trees : Marty Casey

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Mr. Bojangles : Michael Buble

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I'll Never Love This Way Again : Regine Velasquez
(that's arwen. i dont think i'll ever love this way again)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Lost! : Coldplay

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Wish You Were Here : Pink Floyd
(gila sedih weh!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Inside & Out : Feist

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I'm Yours : Jason Mraz

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
This Woman's Work : Maxwell

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Wishing On A Star : Beyonce

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Breathe In, Breathe Out : Matt Kearney

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Mercy : Duffy

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
9 Crimes : Damien Rice

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
El Estuche : Aterciopelados

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Fixing A Broken Heart : Indecent Obsession & Mari Hamada
(bila masa aku ada lagu ni?)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Stupid : Sarah Mclachlan
(at the rate my mind is losing, i think i'll seriously die stupid)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Like I Do Now : Chris Botti with Edie Brickell

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Not The Doctor : Alanis Morissette
(how ironic. my brother is the doctor, and of course, he's the favorite one)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Against All Odds : Postal Service

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Stranger In The Sky : Jason Mraz

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Grace Kelly : Mika

WHAT WOULD YOU SAY, WHEN YOU MEET YOUR BOSS?
I'm The Only Gay Eskimo : Tenacious D
(bodo!)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Paranoid Android : Sia


nash, farahani, shia, reeva, izan, foxyfarah .. you're it!
kak liana, farr, you're also welcomed to do it, and paste it on my comment box.
kthnxbye!

the only one who can truly love you is yourself. so go ahead, masturbate!

it's a wonderful feeling to be tagged by someone. thanks, foxyfarah for thinking of me when you did your tagging. usually i'd do my own memes (found on the net) out of sheer boredom (pathetic, i know) and i don't even bother to tag others cause most of my friends, they suck. they wouldn't want to waste time doing it.

i actually have this done a long time ago. only it was 100 things. to top it up and make it 116 would seem, i dont know, narcissistic? how do i do it without getting TMI? can i come up with 16 more ways to wank myself? by the way, does wanking too much make one lose oneself? oklah, i wont call it wanking anymore and make me sound lonely and perverted. i'll call it 'aggrandized sense of self'.

Directions: Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog/facebook note with 16 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment or tag them in your note to read this.

1. i absolutely hate ironing. i mean HATE! i rather sit down for hours and fold 6 loads of laundry (including matching ALL the socks in the house) than to iron. i was lucky enough that i work in creative and for us creatives, unlike Akademi Fantasia, talent is key, not how we look. i come to work in jeans and casual tops and sandals sometimes flip flops. most times with no make up whatsoever. just moisturizer.
   
   but now, being married to someone who has to wear corporate attire everyday, and baju batik on thursdays, i have to iron clothes every week. tapi most of the time really malas and ayis pun dont mind it and he'll wear shirts that are not so terribly creased. when i was pregnant, i couldn't even iron anything because it hurts to sit or stand really long so my dear husband, despite the fact that i have relentlessly asked him to send his clothes to the dobi, wore creased shirts. until one day, his friend asked if he had a fight with his wife, sebab seminggu pakai baju tak bergosok. buat malu only. my arwah Tok Mak was the one who thought me the system to iron clothes. and i'd be reminded of her everytime i do ironing. so, with every piece of clothing i iron, i silently recite Al-Fatihah for her.
   
   
2. i still don't know how to drive. and still refuse to learn how to.
   
   
3. i can multitask sometimes, depending on what i'm doing. like eating when i'm working. or singing when i'm showering. dancing when im mopping the floor. but i can never read while im shitting. i dont know why. i tried it but i cant fully concentrate defacating. and i wouldnt want to be sitting on the throne for too long. i wouldnt want to imagine the size of hemmeroids happening. and furthermore, dont you think its unhygenic that you carry newspaper / book / magazine in the toilet, read it while you shit and then leave it for other people to read after you? can you imagine the amount of germs on that reading collaterals after you're done with it?
   
   
4. i'm still wearing my maternity clothes. they're sooooo comfortable. by maternity clothes i mean clothes that i've worn during my pregnancy lah, not the typical prego tent most moms wear. i've never bought any maternity tops, just random empire dresses or tunics that are stylo and comfortable enough to wear around my pregnant belly that time.
   
   
5. when i was pregnant, i prayed that my baby wouldnt come out with so much hair. actually, mom prayed the same thing too. i dont know, i find that babies are much more cuter when they're bald. dah keluar pulun taruk olive oil to make the hair grow thicker. no offense, babies with hair. im not saying that you're not cute. of course you are. i'm just saying you'd be cuter if you shave it all off.
   
   
6. whenever i walk around and see other people's babies, i secretly say to myself that "my baby is way cuter!". bukan perasan. i'm sure all moms think their baby is much more adorable than the next one, kan? come on, dont lie.
   
   
7. i love speech bloopers! the husband's family memang the kind of people who'd keep tab on whoever yang tersasul or tersalah cakap and buat jadi modal jokes for every family gatherings. the boys in the office pun crazy like that. pantang salah cakap, surely will be the butt of the joke for days on end.
   
   
8. i prefer starbucks to coffeebean
   
   
9. i prefer mcdonald's to burger king
   
   
10. i prefer apple to microsoft
    
    
11. i wore my husband's briefs when i was pregnant because everything of mine became too small, even the discoloured grandmother panties i keep for emergency cases. men's briefs and boxers are so freaking comfortable! i still wear boxers to sleep.
    
    
12. i never quite like flowers. i mean i can appreciate their beauty and i like taking pictures of flowers like i did here, but as gifts? if you want to give me something, give me something that lasts and that i dont need to water or jaga to make it live a little longer.
    
    
13. when i was single dulu, right after watching talent shows on TV, american idol, malaysian idol and the likes, i used to lock myself in the room and sing and dance in front of my mirror, imagining i was on the show and thinking i could do better than them.
    
    
14. i have been reminding you that i am crazy, kan?
    
    
15. if im not working in advertising now, i think i'd be doing something crafty. maybe open up a little novelty scrap book - fancy paper - creative gift packaging store. or something.
    
    
16. im married to a profoundly amazing guy who not only rocks my world but is my world (which would mean that he rocks himself?). i love him to bits, although i think he'd want me to say this more often.

so there you have it! and by the power vested in me by the state of crazy, i hereby tag YOU! (i dont know 16 people who'd want to do this, but if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. ktnxbye!)

go ahead, masturbate.

mememememe

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
FLABBY HELL. I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT!

2. How much cash do you have on you?
wait. *korek poket jeans*. RM44.90. to last me through the week. shit man, i'm broke!

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
roar?

4. Favorite planet?
jupiter. because it's big, wobbly, has an eternal raging storm inside, with different layers, kind of see thru because it's made of most poisonous gas and it gets denser the deeper it is.

kind of like me.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
my dad. and i didn't call him back. wonder what he wanted.

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
"I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. coz that's when i know it's my husband calling.

7. What shirt are you wearing?
my brother falie's cardigan. it's just a family thing. we wear each other's clothes constantly. like today, my brother faiz was wearing my grey seed zip-up jacket and mom was wearing my tie-up black mesh cardigan. all because I CANT FIT INTO MY OWN CLOTHES ANYMORE, tsk tsk tsk. so orang lain yang pakai.

8. Do you label yourself?
yes. i label myself crazy.

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?
">we go barefoot in the office. but otherwise, im wearing brandless flipflops. i work in advertising. i'm sick of brands.

10. Bright or Dark Room?
dim-lighted room. very cozy.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
don't know him. i randomly picked this meme off the net because i was dead bored and hungry and have no idea what else to write on my blog today

12. What does your watch look like?
it looks like a phone. wait. it is a phone.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
watched 2 episodes of gossip girl season 2

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
from hotlink nagging me "tempoh aktif akaun anda hampir tamat blah blab blah blah.."

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?
5 minutes away, adjacent to the office

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
"seriously" (the meredith grey syndrome)

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?
my husband

18. Last furry thing you touched?
my husband chicka

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
paracetamol, omega 3, evening primrose oil, diet pills

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?
i only do digital. in which case, i've got over 50 gig of photos to develop

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
the age before there was baby

22. Your worst enemy?
myself

23. What is your current desktop picture?



24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"agak-agak lah. cam takleh tunggu kejap lagi nak brief pun kan? jap lagi. lisha nak buat questionnaire ni dulu. very important. market study."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
million bucks so i can fly to as many destinations as i want to and still keep some spare for arwen's college fund

26. Do you like someone?
yes. i'd like someone to give me a foot rub too please.

27. The last song you listened to?
"i wanna do bad things with you" jace everett

28. What time of day were you born?
2.30 pm

29. What’s your favorite number?
8. because it's a perfect-looking number

30. Where did you live in 1987?
still at the same place i live now in lembah keramat

31. Are you jealous of anyone?
jealous when my husband sleeps when i have to wake up and feed the baby. i bet he's also jealous listening to me snore when it's his turn to feed the baby.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?
jealous enough TO STEAL SOME PARTS OF MY BLOG AND MAKE IT HERS

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?
just got back home from work. i walked into the house and everybody's eyes were fixed on the telly with their facial expression permanently set to "OMG!" and i was like "what's going on? what's going on? what's going on?"

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
say "fuck you!" to the machine and flipping it my finger after kicking it. yes, i am a very angry person

35. Do you consider yourself kind?
not to vending machines that steals my money

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
across my tummy to mask all that stretch marks

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?
spanish

38. Would you move for the person you loved?
depends. where?

39. Are you touchy feely?
not at all

40. What’s your life motto?
shit happens. especially with babies

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
brain, pants, sanity (then again, not ALL the time). i guess it would have to be my glasses, something to tie my hair up with and .. i guess that's about it. i always forget and misplace things.

42. What’s your favourite town/city?
KL

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
lunch. koay teow kungfu and sirap bandung

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
omg, it was like 10 years ago. before i knew there was such thing as internet existed.

45. Can you change the oil on a car?
car?

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
washed arwen's bottles, kissed me and the baby, and drove to work

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?
that my dad's grandparents came from bukit tinggi, indonesia and my mom's grandparents came from java and migrated to singapore .. and that's about as far as i know..

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?
last year, for my wedding. now im lucky if im able to fit into ANYTHING

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my head .. my feet and everything in between.

50. Have you been burned by love?
up down inside out left right and centre

perasan moment no. 12

farrah said i don't wank enough in this blog. thus, i shall be wanking today.

yesterday, i went walking down towards the stationery shop near my office. i love stationery shops. don't you? anyway, while i was walking, i caught men looking at me. yes, me, the mak orang yang still boyak ni. and some were even catcalling me. me! i used to find it annoying when guys do this. what the fuck do you think i look like? a freaking bird? but now, i sorrta welcome it, as degrading as it is.

i'm a MILF!

or maybe it was just because of my post-baby boobs bouncing indecently in my 38c.

it's hard to be humble when you have a butt bigger than your bag

stolen from inspired by an american express print ad i saw on lurzer's archive ... thought it's a nice concept using self-absorbed questions i'd love to answer, even if im not a celebrity or could even be close to being kate winslet or ken watanabe's dog poop collector, but hey, i do have people who has nothing better to do than to stalk me. i think that kinda makes me a sortta celebrity. hah! (yes, yes. i am full of myself. i wear a 34c cup)

my childhood ambition : a dancer. wait.. before that was an astronaut until i found out that i can't count any more than my fingers.
my fondest childhood memory : dressing my brother in drag.
my soundtrack : basketcase - green day
my retreat : my room
my wildest dream (which i'm never ever going to do. ever) : bungee jumping. naked.
my proudest moment : finishing school without failing anything during SPM .. and getting my degree without having to repeat anything.
my biggest challenge : counting. making sense. saying how i feel. speaking and getting to the point. heights. chopsticks. exercise. talking about anybody else (which is contradictory to the third point). not being able to shit anywhere else but the toilet at home. the list is endless.
my alarm clock : on weekdays it's the bloody alarm on my phone. on weekends ... my mom.
the perfect day : is the day when i don't have to go to work because i'm either a) suddenly become filthy rich because it miraculously raining cash in front of my house the night before or b) i'm 55, menopausal and retired
my first job : customer support at standard chartered bank. which i only managed to last 3 days.
my indulgence : tv. movies. food. my cats. photography. blogging. internet all day long. and taking shower once a day, late in the evening during weekends.
my last purchase : some muffins this morning for breakfast
my favorite movie : between top gun and love actually
my inspiration : randomness
life is : as you make it
love is : being able to fart in front of your boyfriend without him looking at you disgustingly

i personally like to tag farrah, nash, (because they havent been blogging for such a long time) and farahani (who's just started to re-blog. congratulations, girl. i can't wait to stalk you) and whoever else is reading. i'd tag ayis too but he doesn't blog.

meme time. naturally.

since i'm on the brink of almost prying my potek eyes open with toothpicks and making sure it stays open using industrial strength sticky tape, only because dunking my head in mugs and mugs of 3-1 nescafe mix doesn't seem to work anymore ...

so, i copy-pasted this meme from 9's blog.

here goes.

Can you name 21 people (immediate family exempted) you can think of right off the top of your head? Don’t read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 21 people. Ready, Start! (this is gonna be hard. i don't think i know that many people.)

1. Ayis
2. Farrah
3. Nash
4. Cary
5. Jomey
6. Dzarina
7. Nissa
8. Suraiya
9. Erna
10. Lin
11. Sarah
12. Sam
13. Azlene
14. Amar
15. Dinesh
16. Aris
17. Ezan
18. Aida Nazreen
19. Ida Azira
20. Ayu
21. Aju


THE QUESTIONS:

How did you meet 14?
I first knew her when she transferred to my school at Convent Bukit Nanas during form 4, and we became classmates and part of a 4-sometimes- 3-depending-on- who's-being-ousted-at-the-moment girls posse.

What would you do if you never met 6?
Oh. this is interesting. because if never knew her, i wouldn't know number 4 (and 5). and if i never knew number 4, i'd never have the opportunity to get to know and fall in love with number 1.

What would you do if 20 and 9 (the no. on the list) dated?
well, they'd be lesbians. which is okay by me as long as they don't get me involved.

Did you ever like 5?
well of course! i think the almost all the girls in the posse i talked about at question 1 used to have a crush on him (and his brother)

Would 3 and 12 make a good couple?
wait. is this meme trying to turn my friends into gays?
HELL NO THEY WONT.

Describe 8:
She's number 4's wife. She bubbly, friendly, and easy to be around with. talks a lot too.

Do you think 13 is attractive?
so now you're turning me into a lesbian? well, she is gorgeous. hitam manis. and my mom describes her face as being 'makan tenung' ... meaning the more you look at her, the more attractive she becomes. and no, you don't need booze to do that.

Tell me something about 17:
we used to work together and i love her to bits. she was the one who kept me sane during my pre-ayis period. she's my confidante.

Do you know any of 4’s family members?
i think about 50 of them, give or take. even the cousins trice removed. and i'm about to marry his cucu saudara.

What’s 21’s favorite color?
fuck me upside down if i know.

What would you do if 18 just confessed he/she liked you?
i'd tell her i love her. and i really do. because she's so cool.

What language does 20 speak?
only Malay & English ... i think. i don't know if she's picked up any other languages since i last saw her which was like 2 years ago.

Who is 9 going out with?
somebody named azmir. only met the guy once.

What does 16 do?
he's an art director at some agency somewhere

When’s the last time you talked to 13?
oh f.. i think it's almost 6-7 years ago?

What perfume does number 2 use?
i don't know really. well yeah, i consider her my best friend, but i draw the line at stalking. however i'll just take a stab at it .. gucci envy me? (ye ke, beb?)

Would you ever date 7?
if i was a guy, i would.

Would you ever date 1?
EVERY FUCKING DAY TILL THE DAY I DIE.

Is 15 single?
why? you interested?

What is 19’s last name?
binti Yusoff

Would you ever want to be in a serious relationship with 11?
NO. i'm into dicks, not clits. but she's sweet.

What school does 3 go to?
one of those 'special' schools i think (heheh. jgn marah nash, nanti anak ko kena jual)

Where does 10 live?
Kampung Baru.

What’s your favorite thing about 10?
she always means well.

Have you seen number 13 naked?
err ... why would i want to?

another one of them days..

Your True Birth Month Is January

Loyal Social Logical Easily jealous Loves children Rather reserved Highly attentive Likes to criticize Needs close friends Ambitious and serious Smart, neat and organized Hardworking and productive Loves to teach and be taught Quiet unless excited or tensed Sensitive and has deep thoughts Knows how to make others happy Searches for the greatest romance Resistant to illnesses but prone to cold Romantic but has difficulties expressing love Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses

What's" Your True Birth Month?

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? You expect a lot from your lover - you want the full package. You tend to be very picky. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Values Profile

Loyalty: You value loyalty a fair amount. You're loyal to your friends... to a point. But if they cross you, you will reconsider your loyalties. Staying true to others is important to you, but you also stay true to yourself. Honesty: You don't really value honesty. You do value getting your way, no matter what. And if a little lying is required to do that, no problem. A few white lies never hurt anyone (at least, that's what you tell yourself!) Generosity: You don't really value generosity. Your needs always come first, no matter what. And you'll possibly help someone else out... But only if it helps you in return. Humility: You value humility highly. You have the self-confidence to be happy with who you are. And you don't need to seek praise to make yourself feel better. You're very modest, and you're keep the drama factor low. Tolerance: You value tolerance highly. Not only do you enjoy the company of those very different from you... You do all that you can to seek it out interesting and unique friends. You think there are many truths in life, and you're open to many of them.

The Five Factor Values Test

i feel so ... vindicated

that sin quiz is stupid.



im like hotter than hot man. im close to 3rd degree burn.

go on. bask in my hotness here.

never stop being curious about yourself.

1. time of starting (this thing)? 12:59 am
2. were you named after anyone? yes. 'li' after dad, 'sha' after mom, 'abas' after arwah tok abah and 'johan' after a great grandfather i dont know about.
3. do you wish on stars? i used to until i thought its probably one of the stupidest things to do. then, not so much.
4. when did you last cry? must be the last time i was so pissed of
5. do you like your handwriting? sometimes. mom seems to think i have a nice handwriting. but mothers, you can trust them to love you no matter what
6. what is your favourite meat? chicken
7. what is your most embarrassing cd on your shelf? dude, who needs cds when you have an ipod?
8. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? sometimes. not when she gets all pms-sy
9. are you a daredevil? only on the surface
10. have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? see these big lips?
11. how do you release anger? crying
12. where is your second home? office? pathetic, i know.
13. do you trust others easily? i do. god im such a sucker.
14. what was your favourite toy as a child? my brother’s mop-haired live-sized stuffed friend named jimmy.
15. what class in school do you think is totally useless? maths. accounts. bm. economics. agama. science. home science. pjk. bottom line is, i suck at school.
16. do you use sarcasm a lot? when im in the mood for it.
17. have you ever been in a mosh pit? no
18. what do you look for in a guy/girl? simplicity, in all aspects.
19. would you bungee jump? to get over my fear of heights? yeah.. maybe.
20. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? i don’t wear shoes with shoelaces
21. what's your favourite ice cream flavour? pralines & cream, jamoca almond fudge
22. what are your favourite colours? black & silver. im gonna make them my wedding theme color
23.what is your least favourite thing? when sad ‘kill me now’ songs just knowingly pop up on the radio, the iPod and iTunes even, when im on the verge of breaking down. i must have done some really terrible things in my life to deserve such torture.
24. how many people do you have a crush on right now? im too old for this..
25. who do you miss most right now? who else?
26. what colour underwear are you wearing? yellow. yeah, i have a yellow panty.
27. what are you listening to right now? scared of you, nelly furtado
28. if you were a crayon, what colour would you be? black
29. what is the weather like right now? conducive for sleeping
30. who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? who else?
31. the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? his face?
33. how are you today? indecisive
34. favourite non alcoholic drink? coffee
35. favourite alcoholic drink? i don’t drink
36. natural hair colour? black
37. eye colour? dark brownish
38. wear contacts? not so much now. i kinda like my glasses, makes me look like i do know what im talking about. well at least a pornstar who knows what she's talking about.
39. siblings? 2 younger brothers
40. favourite month? february, coz its got lesser days.
41. favourite food? fast and fatty
42. last movie you watched? perhaps love
43. favourite day of the year? holiday
44. have you ever been too shy to ask someone out? yeah.
45. scary movies or happy endings? i prefer movies that actually have an ending.
46. summer or winter? i don’t know.. but i prefer gloomy weather
48. do you want your friends to write back? if they want to…
49. who is most likely to respond? none
50. who is least likely to respond? all
51. what book/magazine are you reading? the copywriter’s handbook.
52. whats on your mouse pad? oh, did i tell you that i have an IBM T40 thinkpad with the waterproof key pad thing? kinda nice too. it does what i want it to do when i ask it to do. except for the internet. the router is a piece of shit.
53. what did you watch on tv last night? some part of survivor.. don’t really follow the show
54. favourite smell? coffee and baby (gotta agree with nash on that baby part)
55. have you ever regretted ever breaking up with someone? no, i think the decisions i made is kinda like a prelude to this very moment. if i still dwell on the past, i’d never open up to the opportunities around me. and im not just talking about exes here.
56. favourite actor/actress? hmmm.. i haven’t really thought much about this..
57. time of finishing? 1.30am

im bored. there's nothing else to do. so i wank summo.

Eight things I wanna do before I die…
1. Know what im supposed to do with my life
2. Be content with what i have
3. Be content with the life that i have lived
4. Sing in front of at least 1000 people
5. And not get booed or thrown stuff at
6. Learn how to read Quran
7. Understand and truly belief in this religion im in
8. Tell my mother that i think she's the strongest, bravest woman i've ever known

Eight things I can do very well…
1. Bottle up my emotions..
2. And implode
3. Talk really fast
4. Sleep ... well most times i do sleep like the dead
5. Take care of things other than humans
6. Be punctual ... well at least i try to be
7. Getting period cramps, so bad that i sometimes have hard time standing straight
8. You know what.. im actually really good at doing things half-assed

Eight things I say almost everyday…
1. Ntah lah.. orang pun tak tau...
2. Kimek ah client nih...
3. Keenooooo
4. Chiiiikkkaaaa
5. Bodoh kan?
6. Hello.. okay.. bye
7. Keh
8. Lapor laa

Eight things I can never do…
1. Do multiplications, fractions.. anything's thats got to do with numbers lah
2. Talk slowly
3. Think before i speak
4. Drive
5. Hate my family.. cats and everything
6. Become thin
7. Eat shit
8. Foolproof proofreading

Eight things that attract me to the opposite sex…
1. Skin
2. Table manners
3. Patience
4. Voice
5. Eyes
6. Height, gotta be at least 2 inches taller than me
7. The way he looks at me across roomfull of people
8. His car. First, he's got to have one.

personality test

went to sam's blog. took this personality test. and apparently, this is me. and its so freaking true.

fool for love

big boss was talking about how he handled his daughter’s prelude to teenage rebellion. she’s 16, i thought he’d see that coming. i asked him that. well not this soon, he said. i started when i was 15, i confessed. well you’re different, he ridiculed. yes, i was different. i was the school’s virgin slut. where i came from, there were many sluts. but i was different. i was a virgin. no, i didn’t say that out loud.

it’s been 10 years since i first had a boyfriend. ok, fine. 11 years. i don’t remember much of my first love. except for the fact that he’s about a foot taller than i was. (i say was coz i think im still growing, vertically and horizontally. thank god, or else i’d look like a teapot.) his name was firdaus. and he stinks. i only put up with him coz he’s got the sexiest manly man voice and he looked like snoop doggy dogg. bear in mind, that this was back in the days when i used to memorize all the lyrics to doggystyle.

emo people preach that u’ll always remember your first kiss.

im sorta kinda emo. sometimes. but i don’t remember my first kiss. i was probably too traumatized to render it in my mind with red permanent marker.

then, my second one was this dude named sham. cute, but a jerk. cute guys always are.. no, wait, guys always are. fullstop. and then was this man child who was about the same age as fali. 2 years younger than me but wise beyond his years. or so i thought. little boys will always be little boys. everything was okay up until the point when i got caught in the act by my dad. luckily though, we weren’t really in the act. but i still got slapped 12 times. 3 from mom and the rest from dad. and grounded for bring boys home when mom and dad were out winning breads for the family. serves me right.

and then was this guy named wan. he was a few inches shorter than me, but he smelled great and speaks considerably good english. and he’s cute. may i remind you again about cute guys? this one was cuter than the one before. here’s my theory … the cuter a guy is, the bigger the jerk.

upon finishing spm, i hooked up with ewan. he’s another cute one. i have the tendency to fall for cute guys with bad attitude... i don’t know why. just my luck i guess.

and then i got into itm. when i finally got over ewan, i was kinda going out with this short, kinda almost cute guy. it only lasted about 3 weeks coz he’s a jerk. and then enter kamalrol. he’s also cute and i know he can be a potential jerk, i only found out 4 years too late. love makes you blind i guess.

then there was Y. yet, another cute one. go figure.

after that, everything just went cute and downhill for me.

that is, until i met ayis.

new year to-do-list

becoz i gave up on renewing my NATO resolutions..

1. check teeth
> its been years since i last went to the dentist. gotta do scaling as well and get rid of the years worth of coffee stains.

2. check ears
> been hearing voices again .. hahhah.

no but seriously I think I might have a problem .. it gets painful whenever I stand up too fast and I hear echo whenever I chew or talk. really weird and its bothering the fuck outta me.

3. get on a(nother) crash diet
> why is it that all the food I eat goes straight and accumulate at the southern and central region of my very bloat-able body?

4. get driving license
> yeah yeah i know i know

5. get another job
> somewhere else i mean. that is if the boss is willing to let me go. i don’t get it .. i mean if he likes me that much why wont he give me year end bonus??

6. a-word-a-day
> today’s word is .. quagmire : a difficult or precarious situation; a predicament.

oh hey just like my diet.

7. watch as many movies as possible
> oh btw sam .. are u done with my dvds yet? u can keep faceoff. I got another copy at home.

8. save at least RM200 a month
> in ASB ... at least I’d get dividends

9. paint room
> blue is getting really tacky to my liking. im thinking about embrowning my room. set some earthy mood to it. it would prolly work since me being a Capricorn and all …

10. get married
> ok maybe not THIS year but hey .. we’ll never know

25?

happy old hag to me ..
happy old hag to me ..
happy old hag to the pathetic-too bad i dont party but whatever like there's gonna be new year's party anyway-me
happy scary 25 to me ..


oh. fadzli's wrote and ode to me on friendster.

first he wrote :

- Obituaries -

Ellisha Johanabas Rosli. Born 31st Dec 1979, died on her 25th birthday from inhaling too much laughing gas. In her short quarter-century life she had been a wonderful daughter (although she refused to learn to cook), an irreplaceable sister to two impossible younger brothers, an a beautiful soul remembered by all she had come across. We were almost inseparable once, she and I, until she became a teenage girl and I found out I was a boy. It is almost sad to say when we grew up the distance became wider, one of my greatest regrets in life. It is also sad that her beloved and the rest of the world would not get a chance to discover her beauty, her passion and her grace. She left all too early, without giving this younger brother a chance to tell her how much I loved her and how I regretted not bridging that distance, for no one could replace this wonderful sister of mine. May she find peace wherever she goes.

and then he wrote:

-Classifieds -

Wanted. An older sister aged 25. Great body, wonderful personality, intelligence optional. Knows how to cook and clean, and doesnt kick people into pulp when tickled. Preferably emotionally stable and not affected much by menstruation. Doesnt breed like a rabbit. Will enter a family of two wonderful parents and two great brothers. Walk-in interview only.

ahhh. family are crazy people dont you think? well, maybe just mine.

hundred things

felt inspired by my old highschool friend, 100 Things You Should Know About Me (And May Wish You Didn't) list she blogged recently.

so, being the plagiarizing copywriter that i am, here is my 100 shit I remembered, realized and researched about myself. in no coherent sequence. so be fore warned of right-brain / left-brain confliction.

1. i always wear black. it consumes more than half the space of my wardrobe.
2. my long, unique (as I’d like to think it is), mouthful, hard to remember name is actually a result of mom, dad and tok abah’s creative brainstorming moment a few hours prior to my breaching out of the dark and warm liquid cavum of mom’s womb into the pale arms of a Dr. Pink.
3. hence, Ellisha Johanabas bte. Rosli is part dad, Rosli (li), part mom, Aishah (sha), part Tok Abah (abas) and part of an unknown great-great-granddad (johan).
4. Hence, the only part that’s me is just plainly “EL”. no, I do not allow people to call me that although I do sometimes answer to it when fariq, my colleague calls me “elle” coz when he says it, it has a nice ring to it.
5. all of you might remember how mean kids can be in school, right? my friends in school used to tease me due to my funny name. I was once called “johan naik bas” and then another mean girl would continue the taunt by saying “johan naik bas … bas terbabas”. some would call me Johannesburg.
6. but as much as I hate it, I have have to learn to accept it as part of me and be proud of its uniqueness. seriously, it so unique that only 8 other people I know (from dad’s side) who have “johanabas” permanently printed between their names and their daddy’s names.
1. masliana johanabas roslan
2. noorman johanabas roslan
3. najib johanabas roslan
4. ellisha johanabas rosli
5. fadzlishah johanabas rosli
6. faizalishah johanabas rosli
7. mona marcella johanabas rosman
8. matin nazir johanabas rosman
9. matin feyzal johanabas rosman
   
7. I’ve decided that I would want my kids to inherit that name .. no, they don’t really have much of a choice. I for sure didn’t.
8. im allergic to ice. I cant hold anything cold for too long (as in more than 30 seconds too long) or my thumb will freeze up and swell and it’ll take about oh.. 1 hour to recede back to its normal size.
9. I am now apparently allergic to dust too. which is considerably bad since I cant cook to save my life. that’s about the only domestic talent I can show to future husband and inlaws.
10. or.. I think I can turn into a child making machine. I’ve got the round wide ass to prove that. heh.
11. when my cousin kak lily (from mom’s side) got married 3 years ago, she made me her official bridesmaid (only after the best friend refused).. and I think that’s what jinxed my love life for 3 past years.
12. yeah, I can be pathetically superstitious.
13. I used to daydream a lot when I was a little girl. my mom .. and a few of my kindergarten and primary school teachers thought I was autistic. seriously. it went on till I reached puberty. and that was in the later part of form 2.
14. yes, I was a late bloomer. I was so slow that I only went crazy over new kids on the block when they were about to break up.
15. I can be pretty tolerant to just about most things but the thing I cant stand the most is when people chew with their mouth open.
16. and when someone hawks (sp?) and spits in public.
17. and corny advertisements
18. i don't wear matching underwear.
    
19. i'm also okay with wearing grandmadder panties. i don't care if people point out how unsightly my VPL is. why go through all that pain and discomfort of wearing a thong just because you're worried about what other people think?
    
20. some people would testify that I can be neurotic. im not crazy, I’m just a very very very moody person. a bitch with a pms. p as in permanent. im a warm person with a hot temper. a cool chick with a cold shoulder.
    
21. I think my choice of music have somehow grown to be a lot more wiser and mature.. and independent. I used to listen to what my friends listen to and then forced my brothers to like it coz the song is so cool. although I have to admit that I am still a music slut. I’d take in anything take-able.
22. I used to be a dork in school. I wore glasses. I mean i still do. but in school, I didn’t know how to dress like those cool girls even though we were all wearing the same sky blue pinafore and ugly baju kurung. I say dork coz I cant be a geek. I didn’t do well academically. I fail at almost every subject they forced us to learn. ok fine, I was a bimbo trapped in a geek’s body.
23. but I somehow made it as a captain for a cheerleading team. guess the bimbo in me decided come outta that reclusive tempurung of a closet .. and just in time to save me from social suicide.
    
24. cheerleading was a big thing for me back then. it was all I lived for. it was all that mattered.
    
25. the first boyfriend I had was when I was 15 .. he was 1 year younger than me .. it lasted 2 weeks. don’t ask. I don’t even remember his name (fairuz) .. don’t even know how it got started.
26. my second bf, my first mistake … was during PMR.. his name was firdaus and all I remember about him was that he’s tall, he smelled awful and he looked like snoop doggy dog. all the other ones post-snoop and pre-kamalrol was irrelevant and insignificant so lets not bother.
27. oh wait.. I did go out once with someone 2 years my junior. I think he was in the same class as my brother - which was who i got caught red-handed with. erk.
    
28. the first time I ever felt seriously-hurt-I-was-thinking-about-dying was during my time with ewan, we hooked up after spm (after harboring a serious crush on him eversince I was 15) but we broke up before I got into ITM. I only remembered the ONE month with him.. and all the other times, I was pathetically waiting for his call at home. I didn’t even get out of the house.. coz I was too afraid I’d miss his call. i couldn’t even get to talk to him to break it off so I got his sister to dictate my note to him. along with a lyric to a song.
29. and the song was "i don't wanna cry" by mariah carey
30. after all that, I found out from erna (the sis) that he read it, crumpled it and toss it somewhere in his messy room.
31. that bastard!
    
32. I swore to swear off men after what ewan did to me. but being the slut that I am.. I cant stand being single. I was lonely .. that was when I decided that I wanted kamalrol
33. he was my first serious long-term BF. i was a bonafide 3-month-woman. which means that I get bored naturally and easily after 3 months and I’d make myself single again and look for someone new. I like the chase. so it was really a benchmark for me that I could stay in a relationship for 4 years.
34. none of my friends liked him, my parents didn’t like him but they just bit their tongue. no, actually my mom was really vocal about her objection. and she was really ecstatic that I decided to break it off with arol.
35. my next serious relationship is the current one I have now with ayis. but its only been 3 months. I know its too soon to say. but I feel good about this. confident. happy. whole. I seriously hope it’ll last. I want it to last.
36. im not really that good at what I do. I mean, my job now. im still trying to carve my niche, to find my forte. I thought writing advertisements was the thing for me… coz I wasn’t that good in drawing and designs.. I don’t know how I managed to graduate with a degree in that. heh.
37. my bosses seem to think that I've got a flair writing in malay.. so they made me responsible for all the malay-english-malay translation jobs here. I don’t know how many times I’ve relentlessly told them that my malay sucks. ive even showed them my spm results transcript. BAHASA MALAYSIA = C6.
38. I cant draw. cant even draw shit if my life counted on it.. but I do have exceptional taste and talent for colors. many might not believe so coz I always wear black anyway.. but I do.
39. i also have a flair in combining multiple flavours of ice-cream. i can instinctively know which flavour to get that compliments the other(s). i should work at baskin robbins.
    
40. I wanted to become a photographer.. but cameras are too technical for me to comprehend.
41. I wanted to become a dancer .. but mom was against that. that’s coz she’s never seen me dance.
42. I also wanted to become an astronaut… but that was when I was 7 (also read statement #44)
    
43. i cant whistle. seriously.. im blowing now but nothing comes out but sprays.
44. I cant count. Math just eludes me. no actually I eluded from Maths. the only question I answered in the SPM paper was “pelan dan dongakan”. I guess I did it pretty well since I didn’t fail.
45. I cant cook. but I do give out recipes to my friends.
46. I cant drive. but I am contemplating about (finally) learning how to.
47. I don’t know how to use chopsticks. but I do know how to stick one in my hair.
48. I cant say “emergency”… I keep on saying “egermency” something I picked up from a friend and cant seem to erase from vocab. I sound like an idiot everytime I wanna call the office telling them im gonna take an “egermency leave”..
    
49. I drink ribena mobile everyday. I love the peach one.
50. I have a very lucrative coin-collecting habit. started off while I was in ITM.. always saving up on my coins to make calls to mom and kamalrol. those were my sad public phone days. now, I keep a coin box in the office and one in my room at home.
51. I burned barbies when I was a little girl. because i seriously think they are possessed
    
52. the first ever porn I watched was some cheap rated ones my brothers found under my parents' mattress. I was 13 then.
53. I used to love to follow my dad to his site offices when he was a blasting coordinator/consultant. and my favorite part was feeling the ground shake under my feet and seeing the ground explode. makes me realize that everything is breakable. makes me feel really small and humble.
54. I love the nanosecond of silence between the moment when a glass hits hard surface.. and when it shatters into smithereens.
55. I do sometimes catch myself watching car races on tv just to wait for an accident to happen.
56. yes, I admit.. there is definitely something wrong with me.
57. i dont smoke. i tried it once when my dad just so happened to leave his pack at home. i know that a puff is not technically smoking.. but i hated the taste of it so i'm never gonna smoke again.
58. i've never tasted alcohol my entire life. and im not gonna start.
59. the last time i went clubbing was when my australian cousins came over to KL in january 2004 .. and we went to Nouvo.. paid RM250 (or something) worth of cover charge for 6-7. on me. ppfbt.
60. yes.. im just too good to be true huh? but seriously.. its such a waste that my birthday falls on the most happening day of all time.. New Year's Eve, man! and i dont even party. what a shame.
61. because i rather stay home.. surrounded by people and pets whom i know love me unconditionally than with backstabbing friends who's only pretend to like me.. and to surround myself with strangers who would grop my ass and stare at my boobs.
62. the only fact i love about working in the creative department is that i get to wear jeans everyday.
63. my all time favorite movie is "the princess bride"
64. my all time favorite song is richard mark's "hazard". i cry almost everytime i hear that song.
65. im into gingko biloba nowadays. i heard it increases mental alertness. although im still questioning its hypothetical attributes. y'see.. yesterday, i had some gingko biloba booster with my mango tango smoothie.. and later that night, i almost opened the door to a wrong car, again
66. i talk to my cats.
67. i hate vegetables.
68. i got my belly button pierced sometime in january. an old fling felt bad for using me so he paid RM120 for it as a belated birtday present. but i took it out for good coz it got infected and all pus-sy.. painful and gross. i never knew what freedom felt like until after i took the ring out.
69. i laugh really loud.
70. really loud.
    
71. i talk really loud too sometimes. no, make it most times. somebody used to say that i talk as if i've got a helicopter hovering 10 meters above me.
72. i hate my body but im too lazy to work out.
73. i like to read lying down although mom keeps saying that its not good for my eyes.
74. i mark my last-read page with the page facing down. i dont earmark them. and i dont even use bookmarks. my brother hates it when i do this to his books.
    
75. i like eating milo.
76. i like walking through perfume counters.
77. i like going into bakeries. the smell of fresh bread and pastries..
    
78. i cant help but glance at my reflection at anything that reflects. im a girl, its only natural. c'mon.. i know guys do that too sometimes. ive seen it happen.
79. i cant play any games. be it outdoors, indoors, computers.. anything. i even suck at word games.. and i call myself a writer?
80. i cry watching animal planet.
81. i get worried when im in the mall at night when its about to close. im just afraid i that might get locked in.
82. i am paranoid about everything
    
83. im morbidly afraid of heights.. but i kinda like airplane and rollercoaster rides.
84. i cant swim coz im afraid of depths. but i can float for about half a minute. and then i'll start to sink ... butt first.
85. im just afraid of the stuff i dont know, cant feel, cant see.
86. i think that post-it notes is the greatest invention ever.
87. i mean, besides electricity.
88. and bras.
89. and wings on sanitary pads.
90. my hair is falling out... and im only 25. must be my diet.
91. i used to be dyslexic. i used to write the mirror image of "b" and "d" and "n" and "u"
92. i picked up english words by reading the malay subtitles on tv when i was a kid. thought me how to read quickly too.
    
93. i used to think that the word "sarcastic" means "crazy, funny and weird like the circus". (in malay, "circus" is spelled as "sarkas" .. go figure)
94. i was stupid, evidently.
95. i watched the two towers first before the fellowship of the ring. as u can imagine.. i was going "whaa?" and "how?" and "why?" while watching it with my brothers. i annoyed the hell outta them.. and the poor people in front of us.
96. i know! dont u just hate it when people talk during a movie?
97. my seniors nicknamed me mickey when i was in college. they say i look like mickey mouse when i smile.
    
98. even if i say that im a slut, i am truly a one-man woman. i stay loyal and true to just one. im just simply not the multitasking kind. do one thing and do it right.
99. i cant survive without : coffee, ice cream, painkillers, tissue paper, internet, shampoo, music, lipstick, moisturizer, my phone, my parents, tv, good books especially anais nin's delta of venus, mirrors, english-malay-english dictionary, my cats, stretchable jeans, .. and yeah, men.
    
100. as much as my liberated self hate to admit it. i simply cant stay away from men.

i used to go out with this guy who speaks very little english, although we managed to last 4 years it was really hard communicating with him. i mean i can speak malay but some words sound better in english – but this guy… he cant even grasp a simple sentence like “taking things for granted” or “i miss you so much, it hurts to even breathe” (coz that just sounds funny in malay. let me try to put it into perspective : eg “yang, i rindddduuuu sangat kat u. sampai i nak nafas pun sakit tau” and i’ll get a silly reply like “you semput kot?”) samdol! so basically, when im pissed off at him, i’ll naturally throw out a few english words around but he’ll stare at me blankly and i had to repeat everything back in malay. in the same don’t fuck with me tone, with the same intensity of multifarious emotions boiling deep within me.

so upon breaking up.. (i mean after i got over my 5 months of depressive “unworthy of love” phase) i kinda criteria’ed up the things i look for in a guy. one of it is that he has to speak and understand english. found a few.. disliked a few for other unrelated reasons. like one understood english perfectly well but only listens to his chauvanistic self, one smokes wayy too much i think i would have died a stage 3 lung cancer within just 1 1/2 hours of meeting him, one sounded really nasal, one had really high-pitched voice, one didn’t like cats, one was smoking pot while i was in the car with him… im ok with that but what if we got caught? what if dad smelt it on me? idiot! one was a matsal but had broken english, one was constantly giving me new icky petnames at every beginning and ending of every sentences, one was a few inches shorter than me...

so after all these guys i kinda add on a few other criteria on my list and amended the existing ones..

then i found one who speaks perfect english.. with the most sexy american accent.. but his eloquence got me flipping thru the dictionary every few seconds. that is rather intimidating but all good since i get to brush up on word power while im at it. but then he speaks little malay. so see.. i gotta amend my most crucial decisive factor in my list. that he’s gotta be able to speak and understand malay too.

so, now i know that i gotta look for a tall, eye-pleasing, educated malay guy who can speak reasonable and understandable english, whom doesnt smoke that much if not at all, whom has a nice manly voice that sortta resounds in my head before i go to sleep at night, has gotta like cats coz i'll be talking about keeno and chiqa a lot, does not call me 'sugarplum' within just a few minutes of meeting me

but u know what.. im just gonna shred that list and just go with the flow. im too tired to dissect on every little factor to determine who i would like to date. im much more scared that im gonna end up with no one. i know people will scrutinize my every stinking imperfections as i do to a lot of people.

but this is me.

and i dont really give a fuck.