When trying to get baby to sleep...

Inilah perangai budak kecik ni kalau nak tidur sekarang.

For a boy, Ayden kuat melalak. Why? I don't know. namanya pun "little fire" kan? Semua benda nak nangis. Lapar, nangis. Nak kentut, nangis. In the middle of his sleep pun dia boleh nangis tiba-tiba pasal nak lepaskan kentut. dah lepas, dia boleh sambung tido balik like it was just a bad dream. Nak tido pun, kena nangis dulu. Ada one time tu, dia bangun tido, nangis untuk nak tido balik. apa punya perangai ntah.

Sometimes both of us pun tak boleh nak pacify dia so my mom will take him and tidokan dia. 9.5 out of 10 times, she succeeds. sometimes my brother will take him and serenade him to sleep. because Ayden is colicky, he prefers to be bounced / rocked / swayed / lullabied / sometimes all at once to sleep like how it's demonstrated above by my beautiful mother. like a little superman. and it'll work even better when there's music in the background. dia gayat but maybe sedap perut kot bila ada pressure kat perut camtu. sekarang 4.7 kg boleh lah dukung that way. cuba lagi sebulan dua ...

lepas dah jadi little superman, he has to sleep on the chest for a while until at least he's snoring. like a little koala pulak. Arwen was this way too. i kinda love it because i'm not breastfeeding (much) anymore so this is a way to bond with my baby. some people are against me doing this lest the baby gets too attached. isn't that the point? some people really don't think before they speak. they're too engrossed with butting into people's business that they fail to realize they contradict themselves. so they condemn me for not breastfeeding because i'm not doing my best to strengthen my bond with the baby, but when i koala him, they say the baby will get too attached?

some people just need to shut up and go away far far.

the labour story. part deux.

(looonggggg overdue, i know. i'm sorry. but it has to be done for my keepsake, if it's not for anything else. so here goes)

this pregnancy was kind of unkind to me from the very beginning. from being so sick with nausea which resulted to me being hospitalized twice, to a breeched baby and placenta previa scare, to the possibility for a c-sect, i prayed for a smooth and easy delivery when the time comes. but i've got a baby who's fiery and defies all expectations so, when we decided to give him a name which bears the meaning "little fire" .. i can't really expect for smooth and easy, now can i?

NOOOOOOOOO.

i started to feel braxton hicks contractions from week 20-ish onwards but it was sporadic until i reached 35th week that i started to time it. by 35th week also, i've started to tell people that i WILL, not might, but WILL be giving birth in a couple of week's time, when i thought that i will be giving birth via c-section. then, at the unknowingly last check-up, we found out that the baby's is engaged and the placenta has moved up and i can hope for a vaginal delivery. when asked about the due date, the doctor said it could be on the 1st or 7th of October. but of course, i would not have any of that. i want to get over the pregnancy as quickly as i could. so by week 36th, i started to 'talk' (i even tweeted) to the baby, urging him to come out within the next week, when he's safe to come out. it worked when i was pregnant with Arwen so i was hoping this baby would listen too. even my boss prophesied that i'd deliver by the Malaysia Day week.

FRIDAY, 14th September 2012

i was busy all week prior to the delivery, finishing up on work and getting new assignments that i had to finish urgently coz everyone feared i would go into labour anytime soon. starting from thursday, i've started to feel my braxton hicks contractions at 15-20 mins apart. on friday, i took leave because the contractions were constant and predictable although it was pretty mild. i waited but it didn't progress. i had the sudden urge to undo and redo the baby's wardrobe. the last time that happened, i gave birth to Arwen the very next day.


SATURDAY, 15th September 2012

My braxton hicks were still pretty mild, but it was progressing with 10-minute intervals. i didn't do anything the whole day besides laying in bed and timing the contractions. i didn't really sleep because the contractions and anxiety kept me awake. other than that, the day went by uneventful. the husband had asked me a few times if i wanted to go see the doctor but i told him it's not time yet. i even told him that it's not painful yet.


SUNDAY, 16th September 2012

woke up in the morning, still getting mild contractions at 10 minutes apart. and i was hungry. so i told my husband i wanted nasi lemak and thought about Oldtown Kopitiam at Permata and figured we can drop by the baby store on the top floor above the restaurant for some baby shopping. but once we got into the car, we made a detour to go to Pappa Rich at Taman Melati instead. We reached there, ordered a hearty breakfast like as if it's gonna be my last breakfast ever, and even ordered something to take away for lunch at home.

by the time i had my 'dessert' of roti canai with banana and ice cream and milo dinosaur, i started to get rather shorter contraction intervals. 5 minutes apart this time. and i finally gave in, told the husband that i think we should go see the doctor now. so we got home, i stayed in the car while the husband dropped off the food we tapau. sempat lagi dia pergi berak dulu. once he's done, he rushed into the car, and i pointed that he forgot to close the door. i was like "i yang nak beranak you yang panic, apahal?". Ada je hal Ayis ni. Time Arwen dulu, kata "i rasa dah time nak beranak" dia dengar I kata "yang, jom masak".

about 5 minutes later, we reached Naluri Medical Centre in Wangsa Maju and went straight up to the delivery wards since the doctor's not in as it was a Sunday and a public holiday. the nurse did a little, by little i mean an invasive finger-rape, i mean probe, into my vagina to see how much i have opened. turns out, i have been in labour all these while and i have opened up to almost 2 cm. they called the doctor and she said i had to be warded. i know it's still mild and it's gonna be a while as they told me it's mild, so i asked if i could go home and go through the early phase in the comfort of my own bedroom. they weren't comfortable with it and told me to wait till the doctor comes in and check me.

around 4pm, the doctor finally came and she probed me once again and i'm already opened to about 3cm. my brother warned me against taking the air selusuh this soon for fear that i might feel the urge to push but not fully dilated. the doctor gave me the green light for a home leave and told me to come back after Isyak, or when the water broke / have a bloody show / any related problems, whichever comes first. she was even confident that i will be having this baby before midnight.

so we went home, ate the lunch we tapau, sat in bed and timed the contractions which were getting closer and much more painful. maybe i was too focussed on the contractions that i had not realize that the baby was not moving. just before Maghrib, we went back to the clinic and told the nurses about my paranoia. they strapped on the CTG belt on me and assured me the baby and my BP were just fine. so we went back up to my room on the 4th floor and waited it out.

a few minutes later, and after a really strong contraction, i felt wet down there. thinking it was my water leaking, i stood up and found some blood stains on the bed. it was not like the black blood stain i had when i was in early labour with Arwen. this was fresh blood. i panicked again. i called the nurses and they kept on telling me it's normal. maybe it's normal for them, they see this every day, but this is my second child and i had a different experience with the first, so to me, this is beyond normal. by the time i finished talking on the phone with the nurses, my husband saw me dripping blood onto the floor and he, who's even more anxious and panicky than me, told me that we should walk down to the wards straight to the nurses and have it checked out. i complied. i was in no position to melawan with anyone right now.

as i walked out of the room, i felt another contraction coming on so i leaned against the wall to brace for it. suddenly i felt something unplugged from somewhere down there and something wet and jello-like slid down my leg and onto the floor. i looked down and saw a piece of what i thought was my internal organ as big as the palm of my hand. it seriously looked like a piece of liver, or lean meat. i saw what mucus plug looked like when i was in labour with Arwen and this was definitely not mucus plug. that was, apparently, blood clot. yes, blood clot, AS BIG AS MY LIVER. i was dripping blood everywhere and when i reached the wards on the 2nd floor, i was checked again and was already dilated to 4cm. i was still leaking blood and had to be put in diapers. having a baby is very beautiful, indeed. ppfbt.

they gave me an enema and i went straight to the toilet. there, i 'gave birth' to yet another huge blood clot along with everything i ate prior to that. i was also starting to leak water together with all that blood. totally different from my experience with Arwen where the doctor had to forcefully puncture my water bag and let the whole delivery room flood with amniotic fluids.

by 9pm, i was in the delivery room already and i braced waves after waves of really intense contractions. ayis was by my side the whole time, reciting the quran. at one time, i caught him practicing the Azan for after the baby is out. i thought it was so funny that i had to laugh at him, in between clenching my teeth and everything else during the contractions.

MONDAY, 17th September 2012

by 11.30, i was opened to about 5cm and we have came to terms that the baby wont be a Malaysia Day baby as i have hoped for afterall. time moves rather weirdly during labour. one minute felt like forever but turns out, it was already past midnight. at this time, i could not take the contractions any more anymore so i decided for an epidural.

i know it's probably gonna burst our budget but i could not handle the contractions. it was too freaking painful. the anesthesiologist came in about an hour later and i remember her telling the nurses that she was sleepy and had to drag her son to drive her to the clinic at this ungodly hour. sleepy doctor who is about to poke my spine with a huge needle is something i rather not know at this moment but i was in too much pain to protest. i would've agreed to morphine or perhaps a bullet to the forehead if someone had offered.

after 3 trials of needle-poking into my spine, the epidural finally kicked in. but i think i had some complications coz my whole right side was in pins and needles. and i felt cold. i don't know if it was because of the aircond, or the midnight chill outside, or the epidural, or the fear i was having but i remember i was shivering. i felt the contractions but i did not have the pain. it was awesome. well, except for chills and the pins and needles lah. at almost 2am, my OBGYN came in and suddenly, i'm already ready to give birth. last time we checked 2 hours ago, i was only opened at 5cm and now i'm ready to push? awesome. let's go!

i had to push a few times more than i did with Arwen coz i could not hold my breath. i was even scolded by the doctor for sucking the baby back in. it's not like i can help it. i could not feel anything down there. finally, after a gruelling and painful labour of more than 8 hours, at 2.22 am, i heard the familiar but unfamiliar cry, and the doctor handed me my baby boy. i choked up a "Hi, sayang. I'm your Mama". Ayis had the honour of cutting the baby's cord this time. he didn't get the chance to with Arwen and when the doctor gave him the surgical scissors, he didn't know what to do with it.

it was beautiful. he is beautiful. the indescribable feeling of insurmountable happiness and inconsolable sadness, fear and hope, excitement and lethargy, torn and whole, love and even more love than i could possibly imagine i could ever feel all rolling into one hot, bloody, bipolar mess that i was on that delivery table - the exact same feeling i had when i had Arwen all came gushing back to me. kind of celestial, really. imagine watching the inception of the universe from the big bang to what it is today in 2 seconds flat.it was beautiful. overwhelming but beautiful.

Ayden was taken to be weighed and washed and I did not see him again until after i had a good rest. Ayden was small at birth, only 2.25 kg and i did not require any stitches down there, lucky me. the doctor even told me that it was just a light graze, like as if it was just a rug burn. just a scrape, can you believe it? but in all honesty, i would not even feel a thing even if she told me it was a huge tear.





i was left alone on the delivery table to rest until about 7 am. the whole time, i was still having pins and needles due to the epidural. then i was wheeled to my room upstairs and rested some more. i don't know what time it was when the nurse brought me my son but after i sent him back to the nursery for a diaper change, the whole family came to see us. the epidural needle on my back was another issue though. it was not pulled out immediately because of the complication, so i had to awkwardly sleep on my sides for the next 2 days until the pins and needles wore off.

now, my family is complete and i could not be more blessed than this. i cannot believe i am capable of giving another person my undivided, unencumbered, undying love after Arwen but now i know it is possible. i have done many things that make my parents un-proud, and i know i am unworthy of this much love and bliss but with every breath i take, i am thankful and grateful for these gifts.

Alhamdulillah.

my daily routine with the new baby, or at least until a couple of weeks more till i start work

i know, i know. i'm done with my 44-day confinement and my maternity leave is almost ending (sob sob) and it's a little too late to be talking about my new daily routine now that the baby's here since it's gonna change again in a few days time. i'll be starting back work on the 19th so i'm just gonna take this time to enjoy being with my kids all the time for the rest of my leave because i don't have anymore leave days left and will be working till my birthday.

i have been meaning to write about the delivery, which is already halfway done and saved as draft for more than a month now. fact is, it's not that i don't have the time to update but the net has been wonky for the past few weeks and now that Fadz has rectify it, i'm busy downloading tv series and when Ayden's asleep, i rather be watching them or catch up on my sleep. face it, sleep and tv is more important and i can blog in the office when i'm not busy so i may look like i am actually doing something. perks of being a writer at work. people don't question when you're busy typing and looking dead focused.

anyway, before my routine changes, i decided to diary it up. honestly, i can't remember what my early days with Arwen was like so it helps to have this documented for i might use it against the kids when they grow up.

wait, i don't even know where to start. i mean at what time does my day actually start? after a long sleep? because i no longer have long sleeps. the most sleep i have so far is 3 hours and they're not easy to come by. Ayden's on a growth spurt right now and he's cluster feeding. it could be every 2-3 hours, sometimes it's every hour or so. sometimes, an hour of much needed sleep feels like i've slept for 7 hours.

6.00 AM

Arwen will be up. because her Oma is up for Subuh prayers and since she now sleeps with her Oma, she's aware that she's alone and that bothers her so she will wake up and come into our room for her milk and some cartoon network. sometimes, she'll wake up as early as 5.30 am. yup, she's much like her dad, an early riser. even during weekends and public holidays when they are supposed to be an OH GOD PLEASE LET ME SLEEP IN days. usually, on weekdays, Ayis will be up too, getting ready for work. and usually, he'll make Arwen her milk and wash and sterilize the bottles used the hours before. ayden, on the other hand, may or may not still be sleeping around this time, and that goes the same, in my case.

7.30 AM
my mom will get Arwen ready for school. if i'm still sleeping, her noise and ruckus will stir my sleep but i will not wake up until ayden's awake. if ayden's awake, i'd either be feeding him, or changing him, or cuddling him to sleep.

8.30 AM

My mom will send Arwen to school via the school bus. i know, school's almost ending and Arwen still wants my mom to follow her on the school bus. after that, my mom will walk back home. on her way back, she'll stop by the sidewalk gerai-gerai to get us breakfast, and maybe lunch. if not, she'll come home to make and bring me some toasts, hot chocolate, yogurt and fruits. sebab masa pantang kan, tak boleh main turun naik tangga so my mom will bring me the food into my room. bangun-bangun je ada food on the table. manja gila, ek? dah habis pantang baru I turun bawah and make myself some coffee or cereal. tapi kadang, my mom will still bring up breakfast for me. dah tua-tua ni kena dimanjakan mak best kan? thank you for taking care of me, mama.



9.00-11.00 AM

Ayden will be awake and i'll get up to feed or change him. sometimes i have to fully change him into another set of clothes coz he'll leak. and when i change him, it means that the socks will have to match whatever onesie he's wearing, even if we only staying at home and nobody cares. 'change' would entitle the whole attire from top to toe. i'm OCD that way. but Ayden hates to be changed and he'll make it known. LOUDLY. it doesn't even matter if it's at 3 AM or 3 PM. he'll scream. i don't blame the little guy, really. we gave him a name that means "little fire" and that's exactly what we got. i'll be fully awake around this time. like, actually up and about. like brushing my teeth and washing my face and making the bed and cleaning the room and washing bottles and such. if Ayden's up, my mom will bathe him and while she feeds him, i'll take my shower. if my mom's busy, i'll take him out of the room and bring him downstairs for some change of scenery. if not, i'll watch some TV while i wait for him to wake up.

ayden bathes only once a day. for some reasons, my mom says that boys can't be sejuk-sejuk too much so once a day is enough. if he's not fully awake, like more than half an hour, he'll bathe in the morning. if not it'll be in the evening. he hates to be naked anyway, so it works.


12.30-2.00 PM

Arwen arrives home from school and after a quick shower, we'll have lunch. and then she'll watch more cartoon network while i or mom attend to Ayden's fussy needs. he wants to stay up but he doesnt know what else to do so he'll cry and we'll feed him and he'll cry some more and we'll burp him and he'll puke and that's how the story goes. he doesn't really have a set routine so we have to play it by ear (or smell). if he sleeps, we do our own thing. sometimes i'll take this time to pay a little bit more to my now attention-deprived daughter and draw or write or spell or do maths or read with her. if not, she'll watch some TV, play with my phone or iPad, draw and colour stuff or get her toys and play by herself.

2.00-6.00 PM

i have no idea what goes on around this time. once every two days i'll do a bit of Ayden's laundry. yeah, he's small but he goes through a lot more towels and onesies than his sis. i do Arwen's laundry every 2 weeks because she has a lot of clothes. if i do it once a week, i'll have no place in her cupboards to put her clothes away. so my logic is, half in the cupboards, half in the laundry basket, at all times. well, except for her school uniforms that i hand wash every weekend. other than laundry, i'll either attempt to entertain the baby, who now prefers to stay up for 2-3 hours. he'll 'watch' some cartoons with his sister, or watch me watch him, or he'll cry inconsolably until he's too tired to go on and get some sleep. i sometimes, if i'm too tired, will sleep with him. ever since i've been at home, Arwen no longer takes her afternoon nap so we'll watch some cartoons together.

6.00 PM-9.00 PM

the husband gets home from work, bringing home some dinner for the family. Ayden's usually sleeping around this time so i'll either be doing some cleaning up like washing more bottles or eat dinner while the baby's still asleep. or i'll watch some TV. i mean after half day of cartoons, i need to watch some actual TV. if there's nothing to watch on Astro, i'll catch up on the stuff i've downloaded. Ayis would rather watch his fishes so for now, he's not really bothered with the TV unless Chelsea has a game on. oh yeah, Ayis has a new hobby now, salt water aquarium. it's annoying when he pays more attention to the tank than to his one crying and the other whining kid but i honestly, i rather have him do this than his previous past time when we just had Arwen dulu. it's like he takes up a new thing every time i give birth. during Arwen's time, he was into paintball which is more annoying than anything else he's taken up since i've known him. i dont really mind the hot toys collection which are now collecting dusts. those are all ok compared to paintball which had him away for an entire day and when he came back, he'll be too tired to help me out with the baby. that phase, almost made me meroyan. sometimes, after dinner, i'll watch my TV series, take a short nap to anticipate his scheduled 11PM fuss.

Arwen will already be sleeping around 8 PM and she'll stay asleep until 6 AM so i get a little relieve from one noise and just attend to the baby. all is good.


10.00 PM - 1.30 AM

for someone who doesnt follow a routine, Ayden gets up within this time to fuss and fume and fret like nobody's business. every single night, like clockwork. he'll feed and leak and cry and i'll pass him around between mom and me. ayis will already pass out by 9-ish and he doesnt get up even with the incessant wailing. but if i'm at the brink of temporary insanity, i'll wake him up to help put Ayden to sleep. usually he'll rock him to sleep better than the exhausted mom and grandma. in the mean time, i'll prepare his stuff such as diapers, change of clothes, towels, diaper cream and minyak yuyi, wet tissue and water with cotton balls next to the bed so i don't have to get out of bed and get those stuff. i'd also prepare his bottles with water and replace each one into to bottle warmer after each feeding and fill his milk dispenser to minimize and strategize my time to avoid unnecessary wailing.



1.30 AM - 6.00 AM

even if he finally sleeps, i can't because i have to let him sleep on me for at least an hour before i put him on his mat, turn him over on his tummy. he sleeps next to me in bed for the time being because he'll be awake every 2-3 hours. well, now it's 3-4 hours. so it's easier for us to be in bed together so i don't really have to get up and get stuff to change him in case he's wet or dirty. the husband sacrifices his back to sleep on the floor for the time being until Ayden sleeps the entire night. he'll usually wake up at least once within this time for a feed. and he'll go back to sleep right after or mid-feed. since i'm already doing formula feeding with him, it only takes half and hour or so. when i was breastfeeding,  i'll burp him and put him back on his tummy. initially i had to wake up every hour coz he was leaking and soaked his clothes right down to his sleeping mat. but i learnt to 'park' his thingy downwards and hence, less leaks and less time and stress of changing him.



so there. that's my routine like for the past 50 days. it's been quite manageable with Ayden, maybe because i already know what to expect and i know how to handle a new baby (sorta) now. maybe i have much more help with my mom, ayis and my brother and even Arwen has shown how helpful and dependable she can be in helping around with the baby. i mean, if Ayden's need changing, she'll ask if he's pooped or peed and she'll help take whatever's needed to change her baby brother, without being asked to. she'll even help wipe Ayden's puke or drool and watch adik if i need to go to the toilet or get a drink or something.

i'll update on Ayden's delivery story once i get back to work. maybe i'll throw in a new newsletter while i'm at it. who knows. till then ...


 

hello world!

Hello world. Meet Ayden Haris Johanabas bin Azrin Haris, whose name means the Protector of Light. ok, fine, technically Ayden means "little fire or fiery" and haris means "the guardian". so i made it a little bit more poetic than just "the fiery guardian" which totally means differently than "protector of light". i could say it means "keeper of the flame" but that's a bit cliche coz i was at the Keepers of the Flame leadership programme in Gopeng when i first sortta had an inkling of suspicion that i was pregnant. and besides, "keepers of the flame" is already trademarked. heh. i think.

Ayden was born at 37 weeks on the dot, on Monday, 17th September 2012 at 2.22 am. Expecting for him to be born on the 16th since it is Malaysia Day and his sister was born on Merdeka Day. Hoping we'd get patriotic babies, even if their mom is the least patriotic person on the entire planet. ok fine, i wanted my babies to be born on public holidays so there's no need for us to take leave to celebrate their birth. besides, free fireworks? hello?

He's a little fire alright, living up to his name. little, being just 2.25 kg at birth, and only 45cm long. but he cried bloddy murder right after birth. a firecracker, indeed.

i will update on the labour story soon(ish) when i find the time to. insyallah.

quite a scare

we went for our scheduled checkup last saturday, unassuming and thinking everything is ok. checked my urine, seems ok, checked my weight, tak naik satu kilo pun from 3 weeks ago. puasa, maybe. padahal selalu na ponteng puasa. then during the ultrasound, doctor found out the baby's breeched. his head is just under my right ribcage and legs have been doing the jig on my bladder and his arms have been suckerpunching my left side. his weight has gone up to 2.1kg (estimate) and his according to calculation, he's 32 weeks. which is a week ahead so i'm still anticipating the delivery will be around end of September, or very early october.

i asked the doctor if there's any way to help the baby turn back into his expected position but the doctor assured me to just wait and let him turn himself back around. there's still plenty of space and time for him to turn. i never had this scare with Arwen before so it obviously sent me into a panic. i do not want a ceasarean so i'm praying hard the baby will turn in time. we have another checkup after raya so we'll see what happens then.

then yesterday, i was lying down after folding 4 loads of laundry to ease my backpain and arwen was playing around me and doing what she does, which is definitely NOT SITTING QUIETLY PLAYING WITH TOYS OR WATCHING CARTOONS. instead of walking around me, she decided to just walk over my tummy to cross. for some reason, she suddenly stopped and accidently sat on my tummy. it was probably just an accident, and that she didn't mean to, that she was bracing herself for a fall and just so happen my tummy is there to cushion her butt. but yeah, she sat hard on her baby brother. of course, i had another bout of panic because HELLO? a 17kg person suddenly just plonking her butt on a 30+ week pregnant tummy? of course it's painful and scary.

so i was fuming with rage, winching in pain and crying of fear and i just left her dad to deal with her. because if it's left to me, she won't be taking to me for days. so i rubbed my belly, talked to the baby and asked him to move just to know that he's ok in there. he moved, a lot, thank god. but not entirely satisfied, i put on the doppler to check and listen to his heartbeat. it took a while to find it which further fed my panic but i finally found it and it sounded strong and looks good. so yeah, we're ok. not even a sore.

Arwen of course, after the storm of rage subsided and she had her nap, felt the ultimate guilt. too much guilt for an almost 4 year old to contain, i think. without even being asked to, she rubbed my tummy, told me she's sorry and told her unborn baby brother how sorry she is for sitting on him and that she didn't mean to and she will never ever do it again. then she kissed it.

i mean, people, i cried. of course i cried. what she did then was so humbling and heart-warming. i mean, she hasn't really fully grasp that what i have in my tummy, something she cannot see or comprehend how it got there, is another person. yet she's already treating him like another human being, like family, like a brother. i cannot wait to deliver this baby so i can see how big-sisterly Arwen will be.

       

week 22

i'm already at my 22nd week of pregnancy. photos were taken off of my brother's instagram. it has been awesome for the past few weeks, gaining back my appetite, being able to go to work and actually do work, laugh a bit more, having cravings, and not puking. until this morning. my tummy has grown but somehow my colleagues keep on pointing out that i am barely showing. i don't know if i should take that as a compliment or what. the baby has been busy kicking up a storm in there. sometimes i find myself purposely sit in an uncomfortable position (for him) so that i can feel his kicks.

Arwen has been able to feel the baby move and she's so ecstatic and amazed by it all. she saw the remote control i put on my tummy jerk and immediately thinks that her brother has super powers. she's into that weird phase right now. between believing in princesses and superheroes. and still figuring the boys-girls role while planning for her own wedding in the midst of it all. yup, she's too mature for her age. i promise i wont stereotype gender-specific roles for her, except for times she wants to go to the toilet and also how she should sit properly while wearing a skirt or a dress. but if she wants to be a sword wielding, zombie annihilating, superpower unleashing, magic concocting, rubber horse riding princess in a blue dress with a tiara, fairy wings, silver glittered shoes and pink nailpolish, and calling out "aye, aye, captain!" when i call for her - that's exactly who she'll be. despite all that confusion, she's gonna be a wonderful teacher-rolemodel-leader for her brother, i'm sure.

on a separate note, tomorrow we'll be off to langkawi for my brother's wedding and a babymoon - if i can call it that. bags are packed, executive taxi booked, hotel booked, only the cats are left to be left for boarding. though i wont promise but i will be posting and instagramming photos of the wedding and our vacation.

i'm sorry for being so blah but keeping up with this blog has been boring and i'm just not really in the mood to write or do anything but sleep all day long. i don't even download stuff on the net anymore because it's so life-consuming.

Arwen on boyfriends

*overheard as i walked up the stairs yesterday*
Arwen: Oma, let me show you. Ni Mamma Arwen, ni Deidi Arwen, ni Arwen, ni baby, ni boyfriend Arwen....
Me: Excuse me??? Boyfriend???

*apparently, this happened earlier in the afternoon*
Arwen: Oma, nanti Arwen nak kahwin dengan Deidi. Lepas tu boleh ada baby dalam perut macam Mamma.
Oma: Mana boleh kahwin dengan Deidi.
Arwen: Why?
Oma: Deidi dah kahwin dengan Mamma. Arwen nak kahwin kena ada boyfriend dulu, dah kahwin baru boleh ada baby.
Arwen: Boyfriend?
Oma : Macam Deidi.. dulu Deidi boyfriend Mamma, lepas tu kahwin, dapat Arwen
Arwen: Arwen ada boyfriend. Kat school. Arwen ada two boyfriend.
Oma: Siapa boyfriend Arwen?
Arwen: Danish & Aiman
Oma : Siapa lagi handsome?
Arwen: Danish.


*OMG. EPIC FACEPALM* 

Arwen On

It's been a while so let's see if i can roundup most of the funny little things she have said since the last time.

Arwen on where babies come from:

Arwen: Macam mana ada baby dalam perut Mamma? Mamma makan baby eh?

Arwen: Dalam perut Mamma ada baby?
Me: Yes.
Arwen: Macam mana boleh ada baby? Mamma ambik kat ofis?
Me: Erm.. no. Deidi bagi Mamma.
Arwen: Deidi, macam mana Deidi bagi Mamma baby?
Deidi: Mmmmm ... Arwen dah minum milk belum? Deidi buat milk ok??

Arwen: Mamma, nanti Arwen kecik balik boleh masuk dalam perut Mamma?

Arwen: Deidi. Perut Deidi tu boncit. Ada baby tak??

Me: Baby nanti keluar ikut *pepet*
Arwen: What, Mamma??
Me: Arwen dulu keluar from there lah.
Arwen: Taknak lah. Geli!!!! Gross. It's disgusting!


Arwen on school:

Arwen: Tomorrow Arwen school tak Mamma?
Me: No. School break, sayang.
Arwen: Macam mana school tu broke? Dia jatuh???

Arwen: Tadi kat school ada boy tu tolak Arwen. I fell down. He pushed me.
Me: Apa nama boy tu?
Arwen : Ajrin Haris (her dad's name. all boys have her dad's name)


Arwen on growing up:

Arwen : Arwen boleh makan maggie mee tak? Arwen suka. It's nice.
Me: No! Dah besar je boleh makan. Arwen kecik lagi!
Arwen: Arwen kena kahwin dulu?


Arwen on drama (mind you, she's not even 4 yet):

*after her morning shower*
Arwen: I'm cold Omaaaaaa!!! You're killing me!!!

Me: Arwen!! Cepat kemas ni semua!!
Arwen : Arrghhh! Such a pain!!!


Arwen on... (don't even start)

*me, putting on black pore strip across my nose*
Arwen: Hahahah. Mamma like a lembu!!!

Arwen: Deidi! Arwen nak milk!
Deidi: What's the magic word?
Arwen: TING!!!!

Deidi: Why did you scream like that???
Arwen: I don't know. There's something wrong with me!


(i think there's more. will update whenever i remember something. i've got placenta brain right now)

Arwen on living up to her namesake

You know Arwen was named after that elven princess from Lord of The Rings, right? the one played my Liv Tyler? Princess, just the same. so, this morning this transpired :

Arwen : Good morning, Mamma!
Me : Good morning, darling. Had a good sleep?
Arwen : Yes, thanks.
Me : Ok, let's mandi. Mamma nak work, and send you to rumah Oyang.
Arwen : Ok. Arwen nak pakai baju 'Pinchess' boleh?
Me : Ok. *rummaging through her wardrobe looking for a dress* This one, ok?
Arwen : Boleh pusing-pusing tak?
Me : Oh, you want pusing-pusing?
Arwen : Yes. With pretty flowers please.
Me : This one?
Arwen : Yes. 'Bery' nice Mamma.
Me : Ok, jom mandi.

so she just stood there in the shower, like a princess, while i gave her a shower.

Me : Arwen, wait. Brush your teeth first.
Arwen : Bukan Arwen. Pinchess!
Me : Ok fine, Princess ... brush your teeth.
Arwen : Nanti tak brush teeth, gigi macam 'jombie'?
Me : Yes, it's gross.
Arwen : Mamma, nanti daddy jadi 'jombie' and then Arwen buat macam ni *striking a princess pose*
Me : Jadi apa tu Wen?
Arwen : Jadi macam comel.

and then I dressed her in the dress, she immediately twirled.

Arwen : Tak naik pun Mamma?
Me : Kena pusing laju-laju baru kembang.
Arwen : *twirled faster* Takde pun, Mamma.
Me : Ada ... I can even see your panties. Arwen tengah pusing, macam mana nak nampak? Come, let me brush and tie your hair.
Arwen : Pinchess mana ada tie hair?
Me : Siapa cakap? Princess Jasmine tied her hair, Cinderella tied her hair, Tiana tied her hair. Belle tied her hair.
Arwen : Ok. Tapi Arwen nak tie macam ni macam ni *twisting her hair, indicating she wants it braided*
Me : Ok. *so i braided her hair* Wanna put on this hairband as well? Matching, baju Arwen.
Arwen : Pinchess pakai crown lah, Mamma.
Me : Takde crown. Headband je ada.
Arwen : It's ok, pakai headband macam ni *lowered it down to her forehead*
Me : Pandai!
Arwen : 'Cleber' kan Pincess?
Me : Yes.
Arwen : Thank you, thank you. *giving a princessy curtsy*

* a bit while later*

Arwen : Mamma! Pinchess nak kentut!
Me : Princess kentut busuk ke wangi?
Arwen : Pinchess kentut wangi lah!


*another bit while later*

Arwen : Mamma! Nak kencing.
Me : Ok, jom, quick!
Arwen : Pinchess nak berak pulak. Ok, go the way, Mamma! *go the way = go away"
Me : Macam-macam lah princess nih !!

__________________________________________________________

and this one, happened last night

Mo : Arwen quick, Mo take your picture. Stand there.
Arwen : No! *acting all shy*
Mo : Cepat laaa... Mo nak hantar MMS kat prince.
Arwen : Ok!

and she gave these for the Prince :

Arwen on ... (these all happened over the weekend)

ARWEN ON LIFE(STOCKS) IN THE KAMPUNG :

*on the drive to Pekan*

Me : Arwen! See .. buffalo!
Arwen : Mana bluffo?
Me : There ... kat sawah tu ...
Arwen : Tu bukan bluffo laaa.... Tu bison! ok?


ARWEN ON BANKS :

Along Uji : Arwen, no! Kalau ambik sarang burung tu... bird nak duduk mana?
Arwen : Nanti Arwen beli nest baru lah. Arwen ada duit dalam bank, ok?

*the next day*

Along Uji : Arwen, kata nak ganti balik sarang burung, mana?
Arwen : Nanti Arwen beli, ok?
Along Uji : Beli kat mana?
Arwen : Kat "Shopping Bank"


ARWEN ON UDANG GALAH :

Me : Arwen, let's eat. See MakTok masak udang. Huge! Giant prawns!!
Arwen : Taknak lah, *looking at all the prawn legs/claws* .... macam spider je.


ARWEN ON ANATOMY :

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen boleh rasa heart Arwen.
Me : Really? Heart Arwen kat mana?
Arwen : Kat dalam perut.


*feeling her ribs*
Arwen : Mamma, kenapa Arwen ada bone over here? I don't want bone over here!


*with hands stained pink because she was holding a pink baloon*
Arwen : Cantik kan hands Arwen colour pink? I like it! I don't want this colour *pointing on her arms that's not stained* .. i want pink je!

*after shower that evening*
Arwen : *crying* Mamaaaaaaa! Mana hands Arwen colour pink tadi? Arwen nak balik colour pink!!!



ARWEN ON MAKE-BELIEVE INFLUENCES :

Me : Arwen, I'll lock you in the tower, bagi dragon jaga, ok?
Arwen : Why? Kenapa?
Me : Abis tu ... tak dengar cakap. Arwen naughty!
Arwen : No! Mamma jangan lock Arwen dalam tower. Arwen nak kawen!!!


*later that night*

Arwen : Mamma ... nanti Mamma lock Arwen dalam tower, lepas tu prince datang, baru Arwen boleh kawen?


SPEECH BLOOPERS :
Buffalo : Bluffo

Dear Arwen (i mean, " whenever the heck i feel like writing" letter) 3 years old

Dear Arwen,

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY, MY LITTLE DIVA!

Sorry for this really overdue letter, sayang. i will not bother with pointless alasan on why i have been lagging behind, almost not interested anymore even, writing you letters. maybe because you have physically developed little but have grown up so much over these past few months that i have nothing much to update in letters. that did not make sense, i know. and whatever i want to say to you, which most of the time is "No! Arwen, i said NO!" .... i'd say it right there and then.

Your birthday this year was celebrated on the 2nd day of Raya in JB with my side of the family. I never really wanted to hold a party for you but you kept asking me for "Birthday Potty!". so we decided to, at the last minute, after we went out visiting families, to drop by City Square and Oma got you an ice cream cake and i got you some party stuff. By the time we got home, Mo had just arrived from Kota Bahru and we were complete. We whipped out your cake, hung the birthday banner, wore some masks and sang for you. now we have learnt the lesson - when you want "Birthday Potty", you only meant blowing of candles and the noise makers. THAT'S IT. you didn't even care about the cake or the company.

You may have just turned three, but the art of negotiating to have things go your way, or also known as I MAY JUST BE 3 FEET TALL, BUT I HAVE THE POWEEERRR!! has already been cleverly manipulated by you from this very tender age. sometimes, you'd ask politely and ever so sweetly that we have no choice but fall and turn into a wad of goo and do what you want us to do. but most times you'd be so persistently stubborn and whiny and all cry-baby-y that we also have no choice but to do what you want us to do ... or else. as much as it annoys me right now, i seriously hope you will keep this confidence and self-assurance, but please do learn your limits, because if you are who i think you'll be just by watching who you are right now, i know you'll be strong and that you'll go your own way. i know you'll be okay.

a couple of months before you turn 3, you have been successfully potty-trained. i wished it had been sooner, because apparently, according to Oma, your uncles and i have been off the diapers since we were barely 2. but knowing you, you'll only do things when you're ready to, so it's okay. because now that you're ready, you'd even ask to go to the toilet even when you know you're wearing a diaper. so now, we don't even put diaper on you when we go out. so, congratulations sweetheart. you're a big girl now, and i am inconsolable.

speaking of big girl stuff, you had once asked if you could drink your milk like you drink your juice. meaning, no teats. it was just a fluke, a one-time thing, really. but i know it's a sign. i can see a glimmer of hope that you will wean off your bottles real soon all by yourself. part of me is glad to know that we no longer need to deal with bottles anymore, well, until we have another one. but the other part of me is really torn because that means that i slowly have to let go of my baby.

you have graduated from the "what?" phase into a full blown "Why?" phase. you always want to know what's going on and why things are the way they are. sometimes, it is annoying. and i may not have all the answers for you but i promise you, i will teach you all the things i know. and what i don't know, we will figure it out together. your sense of wonderment and your thirst for knowledge is inspiring. never stop asking why. never quit figuring things out, always find a solution and not just an answer and most importantly, never lose your sense of humour.

Arwen,

Know that i mean every thing that i say. everything. even all the "NO"s and "DON'T!"s! i will always be proud of you. I will always love you. And no matter how much you remind me that you are not "baby" or "princess".. that you're just Arwen ... you are more than just Arwen. You are my life. And you will always be my baby, and my princess.

When i found out i was pregnant with you, i will be honest ... i freaked out a bit. i blamed your dad for every pain, every puke, every heartburn and acid i constantly taste at the back of my throat. i wasn't ready. i wasn't prepared. i wasn't sure if i wanted a kid. i can't even see myself as a mom. i mean, yes, of course i had pictured myself having a kid, or a few ... but not that soon. but the very moment that i held you in my arms, when you were still covered with blood and birth, and me forgetting all the pain that i had just experienced, i knew that you're exactly what i had wanted. what i had needed. who i had always wished for.

Ilochi banyak-banyak & peluk penyek,
Mamma.

Song : I Wished For You by Jasmine Ash

Arwen on...

Arwen on making mama sentaps!

Oma : Ok Arwen, Oma nak solat.
Arwen : Kenapa Oma solat banyak-banyak?
Oma : Kita kena solat 5 times a day. Oma do more, coz I do solat sunat dhuha .. and terawih.
Arwen : Kenapa Mamma tak solat banyak-banyak??
Me : Oh, snap!


Arwen on making sense :

*whilst shopping with Oma one Friday afternoon*
Arwen : Oma! Arwen nak eat soup and mee.
Oma : Ala Wen.. kita beli McDonald's je lah, Arwen eat kat rumah.
Arwen : No! Arwen nak eat soup and mee!
Oma : Tapi Wen... Oma puasa!
Arwen : Arwen tak puasa!


Arwen on voicing out her frustrations :

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak ni.....
Me : No!
Arwen : Pleassseeeeeee
Me : I said NO!
Arwen : I said YES!
Me : I said NO!
Arwen : Issshhhhhhhh!


Arwen on defying gravity :

Me : Arwen, what's that building?
Arwen : KLCC!
Oma : How do you go up there?
Arwen : Fly!!

Arwen on being the silly little girl she can be when she's not making me tear my hair apart:

Family : *seriously discussing where Arwen gets her traits*
Me : Tapi... rebellion tu.. degil tu... kuat menjawab tu... rasanya ikut Mama dia ... kan Wen?
Arwen : *raising her left arm and scratching her armpits with the other arm. yes, like a monkey*


Arwen on fencing :

Arwen : Daddy! Pong-guard!!! (supposed to be "en guard", actually)


Arwen on gearing up for war :

Arwen : Arwen nak sword, and the belt (to sheath her foam sword) , and the bantal (as a shield) and the horsey. ... EEEE-HAAAAAA!!!


Arwen on the Sound of Music :

Me : Do. Re. Mi. Fa. So. La. Ti. Doooooooo ... ok Arwen, sing!
Arwen : Do. Re. Ma. Ma. Dei. Di. Semua. Ti. Dooooooo


Arwen on being gross :

Arwen : Oma! Cookies (choc chip cookie batter, rather) Oma ni.. macam berak je?

Arwen : Oma! Kencing Arwen tu panas, kan?

Arwen : *burpppp* Mamma, mulut Arwen tu kentut!


Me : Apasal senyap je? Arwen? Are you pooping??
Arwen : Pooping?
Me : Poop? Berak?
Arwen : Poop tu bukan berak!!! Poop tu untuk makan!


Arwen on not being breastfed :

Me : carrying Arwen down the stairs
Arwen : *rather loudly* Mamma, tetek Mamma tu besar! Besar sangat!
Me : *laughed out so hard that i peed in my pants a bit coz i didn't know how else to react*



Arwen on strategic cover-ups :

Me : Oi! Kentut!!
Arwen : Takde lah... tu bunyik fireworks lah Mama!
Me : Fireworks tak busuk melantung macam ni!


Arwen on Manglish :

Arwen : Mamma! Come masuk bilik dengan Arwen. Takdebody in the room!


Arwen on her birthday :

Me : Arwen, birthday Arwen pun in August.
Arwen : Ni dah August, Mamma?
Me : Dah.
Arwen : Siapa Augustkan?


Arwen's speech bloopers :

"Alice and the Wonderlamb"
"No, bantal tenya ni Arwen"
"Eeeeee... cemolnyaaaaa!!"
"Nak air sejuk pleaseee... Arwen hangus!"
"ish! terpanjut arwen!" (terperanjat + terkejut = terpanjut)

Arwen on ...

Arwen on alphabets :

Arwen : Mamma! That's the ladder (letter) E! E is for?
Me : E is for Elephant.
Arwen : And that's the ladder F! F is for?
Me : F is for frog ....
Arwen : What the frog?

Arwen on animal sounds :

Daddy : *hugging me*
Arwen : No deidi! Ni Arwen tenye (punya) Mamma! Don't peluk!
Daddy : *hugging me tighter*
Arwen : *getting help from her 'friends'. First, Di-yen (lion)* Rar! Rar! Rar!
*next, Baby Cat (her pink cat)* Meow! Meow! Meow!
*lastly, her yellow carebear* Bear! Bear! Bear!


Arwen on durians :

Arwen : Oma! Mula-mula kena bukak duyan tu.. like this *showing Oma how to open up a durian* .... And then like this .... and then ambik the duyan... and then makan like this.. aum!
Oma : *pries open the durian*
Arwen : Oh! Wow! Macam flower lah durian tu!!

Arwen : Oma! Sepah sepah duyan ni. Kutip .. and then put everymore in plastic bag, ok?


Arwen on blackmailing :

Arwen : Mamma! Don't kena fire truck kat toys arwen! Nanti arwen tak bagi kang Mamma fire truck tu!


Arwen : Mamma! Jangan shake iPad deidi! Nanti Arwen tak bagi kang iPad ni!


Arwen on clouds :

Me : Arwen look at those clouds, macam muka Pinnochio! See atas tu, the eyes, and then in the middle, the long one, looks like the nose, and bawah tu, the mouth, kan?
Arwen : No Mamma. Macam dragon! .... Atas tu macam dolphin!
Me : Oh my god, yes! i totally see a dolphin and a dragon!
Arwen : Middle tu kokodie (crocodile)
Me : ye lah arwen, crocodile!
Arwen : Mamma! Kokodie tu ikut arwen!

*shouting at the cloud*

Arwen : I said stay up there Kokodie. Don't follow me! Stay!

*after a while*

Arwen : Mamma, mana kokodie tadi?
Me : kan Arwen suruh dia stay, jangan follow Arwen?
Arwen : Cloud tu pandai kan? dengar cakap Arwen!


Arwen on no gossiping policy

Me : Yang, anak tu tadi kan....
Arwen : No! Stop it Mamma! No talking!


Arwen on attention

Oma : *busy talking to a neighbour*
Arwen : Oma! Oma! Oma! Oma!
Oma : *still busy talking*
Arwen : Oma! tengok arwen! Stop talking!


Arwen on road ethics :

Arwen : Mamma, red stop, green go!
Me : correct
Arwen : Yellow apa?
Me : Yellow is ready
Arwen : Bukan!
Me : And then?
Arwen : Yellow is "standby!"


Arwen on not getting it yet

Arwen : Come mamma, arwen ambik gambar keeno (our 10 year old cat)
Arwen : *taking my phone* Keeno... smileeee!!!


Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak masuk dalam perut Mamma boleh?
Me : Mana boleh, dah keluar mana boleh masuk balik? Arwen dah besar!
Arwen : Nanti Arwen kecik balik macam ni (holding out her little pinky finger) boleh masuk balik?


Arwen on totally getting it

Oma : Arwen, what's Mamma's name? Elli....?
Arwen : Elli... Phant!!


Arwen on McDonalds

Arwen : *making a call on her pretend phone* Hello? Mcdonalds? Yes, arwen nak eat burger, nak fries, nak toys....


*at the drive through*

Me : *in the backseat, pulling down the window to make my order*
Arwen : *immediately dives to my side so she can also talk to the machine*
Me : hi. ok I'll like to order ...
Arwen : Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak KungFu Panda! Arwen nak Kung .... Ok Thank You! Bye!


Arwen on the dream she just had

*woke up happily telling me about the dream*
Arwen : Mamma, Arwen mandi kat summing pool. Ada fish besar-besar dalam bubble banyak-banyak. Mamma, arwen nak makan fish?


Arwen's speech bloopers

Cottonbud = "Cotty-bab"
Swimming suit = "Sumping put"

i am NOT smarter than my 2 year old

sometime before heading to work this morning :

Me : Arwen... give me your lion can? i wanna bring to work.
Arwen : No! Cannot share die-yen!
Me : Why not? I want to bring to work. Lion is dirty ... I want to throw in the river.
Arwen : No! River tu dirty!
Me : Pasal dirty lah mama nak campak lion arwen yang dirty tu.
Arwen : No cannot!
Me : Boleh lah...
Arwen : Nanti ye. Arwen share baby cat, boleh. Oma, wait downstairs. Arwen naik ambik baby cat untuk mama.
*sometime later*
Arwen : Nah mama. Tak jadi baby cat. Arwen ambik Moo untuk mama bring to work. Nah mama bring to work ok?
Me : Taknaklah. Cow ni besar cannot put in my bag. i want lion, small, can put in my bag.
Arwen : No. Mama bawak this cow pergi work ok? Ok bye Mama, happy working!

Sakat anak punya pasal, tak pasal-pasal kena bawa this sad comot thing naik LRT and go to work. lesson learned. tsk.

arwen on...

Arwen on being typically like her uncle, Mo :

Mama : Where's the mineral water bottle cap? Can someone, lepas isi air, the cap tu letak kat sink so senang cari? Siapa isi air tadi? (backstory: we have a water dispenser and only 2 big water bottles, so we keep filling them up with filtered water. we're green, like that)
Me : Ayis. Nevermind, i'll look for it. *cannot find* Yaaaaannnnggg! Tutup air tu mana?
Husband : You cari macam mana? Nanti kalau i jumpa ....?
Me : Of course lah you jumpa, you were the last person to have hold it.
Husband : *after a while* Ok. I cannot find it. Let me ask Arwen.
Me : Arwen? Why??
Husband : Arwen, come here. Tudung bottle tadi, daddy bukak, Arwen play taruk kat mana?
Arwen : Arwen taruk dalam fridge!
Husband : *taking her word for it, never minding my nagging of "takkan lah dia letak dalam fridge kot?"
Husband : Ok! Found it! in the fridge!
Mama : Arwen! Whyyyyylaaaaa you have to take after your Mo? (another backstory : when we were little, i always thought my brother had a gift, that he's able to locate and track stuff. i almost thought he was a psychic some sort. turns out, he's able to find stuff because he was the one who hid it)


Arwen on genetics :

Arwen : Mamma! Arwen nak joo!
Me : Jew?
Arwen : Joo! Yang ada animals tu?
Me : Oh! Zoo. It starts with a Zee sayang, not a Jay.
Arwen : Yes. Jee! Jee for Joo!
Husband : Anak kita pelat ke yang?
Me : No, anak you tak pelat. Anak you Jawa.
(but actually she's more Minang than Jawa. I am part Minang, Jawa & Bugis while my husband is Minang, Yunan and some Turk, i think)

Arwen on being caring :

Arwen : Whashong Mama? Dahi mama luka?
Me : Yeah, tadi kena masa kat office....
Arwen : Kejap ye.... Arwen ambik plaster pinchess.
Me : *walking around with a Disney Princess on my forehead*

more on .. arwen on ...

Arwen on potty training :
*pooping on the toilet last saturday* (one of the two times it has been successful)
Arwen : *looking down at her recently disposed yellowish turd*
Arwen : Mamma! Berak Arwen macam banana!


Arwen on cari pasal :
*in the car with Oma & Mo*
Oma : Arwen jangan gaduh-gaduh dengan Mo. Nanti Mo dah takde, lama, macam mana? (my brother will be continuing his studies in Kelantan for a year come next week).
Arwen : Arwen gaduh dengan Baiz! (her other uncle)


Arwen on English (one of my favourite "Arwen on" subjects until she masters it)
Arwen : Mamma! come! Dengan Arwen dalam bilik tengok citer Arwen
Me : Takpelah. Arwen tengok dalam bilik. I'll be just out here watching this TV.
Arwen : No!
Me : Why not?
Arwen : No anybody in the home!


Arwen : I no can, Mamma. Help me, please!


Arwen : Mamma. Please help me coming down?


Arwen on toddler logic :
Arwen : Mamma, nak dukung?
Me : No. Arwen dah besar.
Arwen : Please?
Me : No. Mamma tak larat lah.. Arwen dah besar!
Arwen : No lah. Arwen tak besar. Arwen kecik ... like this (and she lifts up her pinky finger)

arwen on...

Arwen on learning to speak English :

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak main kat payngound (playground)
Me : Cannot sayang, it's raining.
Arwen : (looking around in the car) No lah! It's not raining in the here.

Arwen : Mamma! Where the go out?

Me : What's your name?
Arwen : Anana Arwen Johanabas binti Ajin Aris
Me : How old are you?
Arwen : I'm fine, thank you.
Me : No, how old are you, not how are you.
Arwen : Anana Arwen Johanabas binti Ajin Aris

Arwen : *reading to herself. finger pointing on the words, eyes deciphering pictures* "And then the snow white run run ... the tree is a monster ... and then the dwarfs .... ever ever after!"

*groceries shopping, the milk fridge section*
Arwen : Vitagen! to the rescueeeee!!!!

*my aunt wanted to take her*
Arwen : No! I don't want this one!
Oma : No, not 'this one'. that's Wan Teh.

*'reading' the kids menu at TGIF (the one with no pictures) and placing her order to the waiter*
Arwen : i want this one, the spe-teti. and the watermelon. and the this and the this. and the makan. ok? thank you!

Mo : Arwen, look at there, a bumble bee!
Arwen : Where? Arwen no see the bubble bee

Arwen : See! Ober der. Ober year! (over there, over here)

Arwen : tu fay-bet (favourite) Arwen!
Me : Favourite tu apa?
Arwen : Fay-bet tu.... car!

Arwen : Like this, yes or not?

Arwen : *wandering around and not able to locate us* Mamaaaaaaaaa (or daddy, or oma). Where are youuuuuuuuu?


Arwen, at the playground :

*a baby, just started walking, was walking towards her slide area*
Arwen : Hey you! No ever ever ever!

Arwen : Oma! Arwen nak dive kat atas side (slide) tu!
Oma : Eh! Mana boleh dive! dangerous! tinggi tu!
Arwen : Arwen nak dive! *turns out, it was 'drive'*


Arwen gerund-ing her nouns and verbs:

Me : So, what do you wanna watch?
Arwen : Shaun the Sheep-ing!

Me : Aryannaaaaaaa!
Arwen : Yes-ing, mamma?

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak straw-king, please

Arwen : Daddy, where the go?
Daddy : Daddy nak beli lunch
Arwen : Lunch-ing? Arwen nak makan fish-ing!


Me : Arwen nak tengok apa?
Arwen : Shrek-ing


Arwen on animals :

Arwen : Mama is a monster!
Me : Oh really? Arwen?
Arwen : Arwen is a monkey!

*reading the map of A'Famosa theme park*
Arwen : Arwen nak tengok animals. Arwen nak pergi Simpore! (singapore)

Arwen : Oma, animals tu .... coco-dile. Ok?


Arwen on being caring and concern :

Daddy : Ok bye, Arwen!
Arwen : Daddy nak pergi mana?
Daddy : Daddy nak keluar dengan Uncle Bobo kejap.
Arwen : Ok daddy. Dive (drive) careful careful ye?

Me : *walking precariously on a broken bridge*
Arwen : Mamma! Careful!

Me : *falling off the broken bridge*
Arwen : Mamma! Are you alright?

Arwen : Washong, mamma?


Arwen on feelings :

Arwen : Aunty Farrr nak pergi mana, Mamma?
Me : Aunty Fa balik rumah dia lah sayang.
Arwen : Arwen sad Mamma!
Me : Why?
Arwen : Arwen not happy!

Me : Arwen, why do you like to make daddy angry?
Arwen : Angry bird!!!


Arwen, Daddy's girl :

Daddy : Yang, tadi Arwen kata i AWESOME!
Me : AWESOME ke, MASAM? You biar betul?
Daddy : Serious! Tak caya tanya dia.
Me : Arwen, daddy awesome ke masam?
Arwen : Daddy is awesome!
Daddy : *beaming* see?
Me : (still skeptic) Awesome to apa, Wen?
Arwen : Awesome tu ... Daddy!!! *then she goes and hugs her daddy*

ALTOGETHER NOW : AWWWWWWW


Arwen on handling bullshit :

Arwen : *rudely spitting and sticking out her tongue*
Me : Arwen, buat lagi skali, Mama ambik mulut arwen bagi kat bird (i do this as last resort because she really believes that we can take her body parts. she has cried many times because we 'took' her belly button and passed it around the room)
Arwen : *rebellious that she is. rudely spitting and sticking out her tongue again*
Me : Nah bird, ambik Arwen punya mulut! *pretending to throw her mouth at a flying bird*
Arwen *after 10 minutes or so, found a bird perched on the window sill* Mamma! tu bird! Ambik balik mulut Arwen please?

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak tengok citer Arwen, please?
Me : Cannot, sayang. Blackout! No electricity. See? *flicking the light switches on and off*
Arwen : Nak tengok kat computer mamma!
Me : *even though it is possible, but i was trying to teach her that she can't always get her way* No. No electricity.
Arwen : Kat TB? (tv)
Me : Cannot. NO ELECTRICITY!
Arwen : Nanti mamma pasang battery kat TB, ok?

Arwen : Mamma, Arwen nak tengok citer Pinch and the Magic!
Me : Huh? Mana ada citer tu Wen!
Arwen : Pinch and the Magic 2?
Me : Pinch and the Magic 1 pun takde.
*turns out, it was Prince of Egypt*

Arwen on CSI :

*while watching an episode of CSI New York*
Arwen : Polis tu kejar siapa mamma?
Me : Dia kejar orang jahat.
Arwen : No lah! Dia kejar Jom-beee!

Me : Arwen, Mamma nak tengok citer mamma dulu boleh? *negotiating with a kid is no fun, just saying*
Arwen : Ok.
Me : Thank you! *then i watched Brothers and Sister*
Arwen : No! Ni bukan citer mamma! Citer mamma polis je! *apparently she recognizes they're not the CSI cast*


Arwen on cheap thrills :

Daddy : *Driving down a hill*
Arwen : Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *while holding her hands up in the air*

Daddy : Arwen come here, give me a hug
Arwen : No! .... daddy nangis dulu!


Arwen on morning breaths :

Arwen : Mamma, no! jangan kiss Arwen! Mamma busuk!


Arwen on her current favourite song (Zombies by The Cranberries)

Arwen : In yo head. in yo heeeeaaaaaad. Jom-bee, jom-bee. Help! Help! Help!


Arwen on probably watching too much indon telenovelas :

Arwen : Mamma! Arwen sukarrr nak berak!


Arwen on ...... i don't even know what to say :

Arwen : Kejap Mamma! wait! wait!
Me : Lah.. apasal pulak?
Arwen : *runs out the room, towards Oma*
Arwen : Arwen kentut kat Oma!!
Oma : Budak bertuah! Dia boleh lari keluar semata-mata nak kentut kat kita?!

Arwen on speech bloopers :

Arwen : *while on the toilet, trying to poop* Mamma, arwen nak kanchong!
Me : Aik, bila masa plak anak aku ni reti cakap cina?
Arwen : Arwen nak sit here. atas the toilet! like this!
Me : Ohhhh! CANGKONG! bukan kanchong!

Arwen : Oma, nanti Arwen dah besar, Arwen nak minum Nescatum! (nescafe/nestum)

Arwen : Arwen nak tengok Madagastine (madagascar/little Einstein)

Arwen : Arwen nak tengok citer Meno! (Nemo)

Arwen : Arwen nak tengok citer Parjan! (tarzan)

monthly letter : months thirty and thirty one

Dear Arwen



yes, yes, i've resorted to two-in-one posting again. it's starting to become a habit for me already, putting off until the next month. also starting to become a habit is not diligently taking your photos as often as intended to during the first year of your being. i've been too busy with work and my other work on the side that i have neglected your letters, and also this blog entirely. so i'm also taking time to source out random photos that people have taken of you using mobile phones so i can put them in your letter(s). and that takes time. yes, i'm full of excuses. oh hey, kinda like you.



you've started to become that kind of 'kuat menjawab' kid since you've started talking. oma blames me. i am that kind of person already who has opinions and answers about everything but when i was pregnant with you, i was worse. i'll always try to have the last say. normally not thinking before i speak. i just say it out. oh hey, kinda just like Oma. well, apples don't fall far from the tree i guess. we only learn from the best, right? can you imagine when the three of us have go at it, bickering and each trying to see who can have the last say? HUGE DRAMA!



saying that, it doesnt mean that i'll always give way to you every time we have arguments and disagreements. i want you to test the boundaries and explore your limits. but there's that - boundaries and limits. you have to know where they are before you start breaking them. i dont mind you being 'kuat menjawab' because i want you to exercise your thinking and opinions, speak your mind and stand up for what you believe in. i want you to creatively find logic and make sense of your own world. because i know, your world will be much different from mine and i know i cannot mould you to fit into mine. i can only help you find a better path, if not best, when you are lost and confused. i know you will know more that i can possibly know. i know you will be my teacher, as much as i am yours.



these past two months has been amazing. it's like every month beats last month's ass when it comes to you. you've grown so much, and with that, talked so much. you love jumping so much that every bed and mattress in the house has transformed into your personal trampoline. you also love to sing, and make up songs as you go along. you love dancing too but that, we have already established the moment you swayed your butt to the music when you began your cruising stage.



you love rough-housing with your dad. you love to attack daddy, running towards him to hug him dripping wet every time you get out of the shower, or after i'm done washing your butt. you'd even tell me not to dry you because you want to run to daddy after having your shower. he'll yell "Noooooo" every time he hears you running from the toilet to the room but secretly, i know he loves it and he looks forward towards those moments because he knows they are fleeting. i know he will miss it someday, and that's why he tolerates it because you won't forever be his baby girl.





you have so much pent up energy, as most 2 year olds do, that you go insane upon learning that you can actually run at shopping complexes and shopping aisles. you'd scream and run and sometimes both at the same time. and you love it when daddy runs after you. sometimes i think that maybe we had a boy? and then you totally threw that out of the window when you start to painting your face with crayon, pretending you're putting on makeup. and how you'd twirl and twirl until you get vertigo the moment we put you in a dress. how you love bubbles and all things pink. and how you tell me times and again that you want really long hair, just like Rapunzel.




have i mentioned about your obsession with disney princesses? maybe i have (a few times), i don't remember, but it deserves another mention for as long as it has not gone away. i will put up with your obsession with princesses because i know, these moments too, are fleeting. before i know it, you'll get all boy-crazy and you move on to some miniature pop prince someday. that will be the day that i will get all crazy protective mommy mode, because having been a pre-pubescent teenage girl before (i know, it's hard to believe), i know that obsession with Jon from New Kids on the Block is the prelude to being crazy about that boy from the school down the block. and during my time, we didn't even have facebook and blackberries and shit.

oh, please help me God.





but that's still a long way down the road. so for now, i'll just take this in, enjoying every bit of moment being with you; playing with you; reading to you; watching disney cartoons over and over and over .. and over again; trying to lock you between my monster legs so i can tame and tie your crazy curls; hugging you; waking up to you slapping my face; smelling your hair and neck; you hugging my leg as i am washing your butt. these are the beautiful moments that make me know, the best thing about this life, is you.



Ilochi.
Mamma.


oh by the way, this was the first ever face you ever drew. i only thought you once how to do it, and now you're a regular picasso.