25 (more) acts of random wankerness

i do this only because i got tagged in facebook, might as well just copy-paste so they don't go to waste. oh hey, i rhymed!

1. looking back now, i thank my years of suffering from constipation for my (sort of) easy childbirth. it was a subconscious effort for me to know how to bear down and just which muscles to use to push. seriously, pushing the baby out feels about the same as pushing hardened shit out. only bigger. and much more painful. definitely painful. thank god, i passed out soon after that and lost most, if not all recollection of the pain.
   
   
2. of course, i thank my brother too, for being there in the delivery room and coaching me on. dont think i'd know how to breathe right if it wasnt for him. tulah, hero sangat tak nak pergi prenatal classes. ingat takat tengok orang beranak kat youtube dah abis pandai and prepared kot?
   
   
3. i am a misanthrope. i'm ok with humankind, i love my friends and family, it's people in general i cant stand. i cant stand being in places crowded with people. i cant stand their smell. i cant stand people who think they're better, cleverer, saner, thinner, prettier, more religious and righteous than others.
   
   
4. and i especially cannot stand bodoh sombong type of people. dahlah bodoh, sombong pulak tu tak reti nak tanya. then, act like they're such a know-it-all, and when we try to correct them and stop them from making a big ass fool of themselves, give them our opinions, kita pulak kena tengking.
   
   
5. i love learning about animals. if i'm alone and have the tv remote all to myself, i'll usually tune in to animal planet (if there's no new movies to watch). but i hate shark week. i find that sharks are boring and overrated. i think female hyenas are the most noble, most courageous of creatures. seriously, try giving birth to puppies through a vagina that has the look and size of a pencil dick.
   
   
6. if i paid a little bit more attention in school and did all those homeworks, i think i couldve been a zoologist, or a vet, or something.
   
   
7. i think whoever coined the term 'sleep like a baby' must've been a husband. babies dont sleep like a baby! they just have sometimes, long, extended naps. the husbands (not talking about a specific husband in particular, just the general husband population), on the other hand .. can sleep through anything. mommies, we have to redefine this term. we have to call it 'sleep like the husband'
   
   
8. i like geeky guys. the more endorkened they are, the more i get the hots for them. like jason mraz, case in point. i dont need sweet-talking. just talk to me in technical languages i dont understand and that's it .. like butter to hot knife. they dont have to make sense, i dont even need to know what they're talking about. just as long as they sound smarter than me, i get weak in the knees.
   
   
9. we just got ourselves wireless broadband. but i have to take turns with the husband. i have to wait till he's done with it, only then i can have the luxury of surfing and blogging in bed while the baby and the husband are asleep. and let me just say, it is a blissful luxury. net in bed i mean. oh, and the sleeping baby too, yes of course.
   
   
10. i never really knew how true true love feels like until i had arwen. the moment she kicked my ribs and squeezed on my bladder to make me pee every few minutes or so, i was in love.
    
    
11. i am SLOWLY learning how to cook. SLOWLY.
    
    
12. i dont own designer clothes or shoes or bags or purses. just perfumes. i dont understand the need to pay thousands of bucks for something so superficial. the most expensive bag that i have costs around RM100 something or so, and it was part of my hantaran. i used to hate big bags, but am now embracing the idea of carrying expansive space under my arms to stuff so much stuff. babies come into the world naked, but they seem to have a lot more stuff than us, dont they?
    
    
13. i dont dare to wear skirts or dresses out in public. i got fat ugly stumpy legs. believe me, i'm doing the world a HUGE favour.
    
    
14. i used to be a fan of romance novels, especially the ones set in bygone imperial eras. now, i'm only into funny ones.
    
    
15. i fail at kissing ass. maybe because i dont know how to be tactful and mind what i say. which is why i suck at politics - the country, the office, the family, the friends' circle. i am not an agreeable type of person, as women often are, always confrontational when i have good reasons to be, and even when i dont say it to your face how much i think you stink, i'd serve you with some generous amount of sarcasm and cynicism.
    
    
16. i love intended puns. especially ones with sexual innuendoes. i know, they're corny. but they take a lot of wit and smart-assedness and plenty of funny bones to pull off. and just as much wit, smart-assedness and funny bones on the recieving end to get the punchline. just watch Whose Line Is It Anyway.
    
    
17. i still think Blair Witch Project is the scariest movie ever. it just messes with your head! i had nightmares after i saw it when i was in college. i swear i heard children's voices outside my room in the middle of the night.
    
    
18. i'll be turning 30 end of this year and honestly, i'm somewhat indifferent. im not freaking out about it or anything. i'm a mom now, i've got a lot more shit to be freaking out about.
    
    
19. i dont believe that 'time heals all wounds'. it doenst heal heartbreaks. in fact, time only makes it worse. the more time you have, the more you spend dwelling on it, the more you get depressed and the more you give up. the only cure for heartbreak is to move on and love again. of course, it is easier said than done. just dont wait too long. i waited almost 4 years and i was lucky to have met ayis. if i waited some more, if i thought 'maybe someone better than him will come along', i dont think i'd be able to find it again, ever.
    
    
20. dont look inside my closet. it is as messy as hell.
    
    
21. i still dont understand what the hype is all about with twilight.
    
    
22. i cant wait for Transformers : Revenge of the Fallen. the trailer is damn cun yo!
    
    
23. i would, on occasion, and only after i've tried everything else and failed, shove a boob into arwen's mouth just to shut her up, even though i know there's nothing left for her to suck for. cruel, i know. and like everything else, they too would fail. she doesn't know what to make of them. i've got broken boobs.
    
    
24. we have a stray dog hanging around our street. we are almost a 100% malay community in my area and thus, no dogs. this dog is really cheeky. it would go into neighbours' porches and steal a shoe and hide it. that's so random. i dont have anything else to talk about!
    
    
25. i like doing memes like this when i'm bored. very revealing. maybe just a desperate attempt to make people understand me? it's like bearing a piece of my soul a bit at a time. like strippers. heh.