monthly letter : month twenty four

Dear Arwen,

Happy you-you day, my sweet little monster.



I can't believe you're already two! oh my god my beautiful, stubborn little girl. TWO! THE TERRIBLE TWO! you're so big now. and so much more a person than a baby. you know what you want, what to eat, what to drink, what to wear, what to watch, what to do. you can already independently feed yourself, dress yourself, undress yourself, shower yourself, brush your own teeth, put on your own shoes, zip and unzip stuff. Although you still don't know how to keep your toys and crayons back after you're done with them. You know ALL the letters from A to Z, and the numbers 1-10.



you can sing the nursery rhymes yourself too. not just humming and babbling in tune, but actual lyrics. ok, fine, you occasionally mix up the words to "Are you sleeping" and "London Bridge" and "Ring Around the Roses" - you'd go "Are you eeping? are you eeping? Baden Beech, Baden Beech ... all poll down" and you'd occasionally translate some words to Malay if you forgot what it was in English. And you can already compose your own songs like the one i caught you singing the other day that goes "Fineee! Dadddy! Finneeee". you're a musical genius!



this month, we've started potty training you. only, we didn't get you a proper potty, because you need to know that the toilet is where you need to do all your business. your incentives for peeing is 1 baloon and 2 for pooping. It's been a slow progress but now, every morning and evening before you shower, you'd ask to pee on the toilet and you've learned to control it and not just let go before i prop you on the toilet. we still have a long way to go but every time you tell me you want to go to the toilet and actually do it, i beam. good job, sayang!



You've also shown that you've got wit with excellent and quick come backs that often render us speechless. like the other day when i asked you why you had to disturb Oma and strew all the mango skin she peeled all over the kitchen floor, you casually said ".. saja! happiness kacau Oma". and when you asked Oma if you could play with a fruit that she's reserved to make juice for buka puasa, Oma said "No, cannot, nanti buah tu busuk". you replied, "Busuk? Buah nak mandi!".



And the other day, i told you to stay and play with daddy because i want to take my shower, you pleaded me wanting to follow. I said "No, tak boleh, malu lah mamma.." but you came back with "Alaa. Arwen dah tengok, dulu? Apa mama lah!". How can i say anything else after that? Unfortunately, you've also inherited speech blooper tendencies from both your grandmothers. you favourite line is "Lalu, Arwen nak tepi!". And when you can't find the words you want to say, you'd go "A-ble-ble-ble-bah".



your toddler tantrums are getting worse these days. i hope you'll get over this phase soon. i hate raising my voice at you but it seems like that's the only way i could get through you. sometimes, when i'm in an okay mood, i'll talk and reason out with you. but when i'm tired and your antics have annoyed me to the lowest of hell and i've run out of patience and wits, i'd scream at you.



you drive me insane, but there's not one second that i do not love you. especially when you'd lift my head up by the hair asking me to "Coming mama, come main dengan Arwen!" or when you slap my face in the morning asking me to wake up to make you milk. or when you'd come running towards me all the way from the kitchen with your hands at the back as if they're wind propellers the moment you see me walk in. or when you'd randomly sing "Ibu... ibu... kolah.. atikuu.." or when you'd give me kisses and hugs and say I lo chi without having to ask. or when you are so engaged in your pretend plays and want to include me to play along with you. or when you look up to the moon at night and asking me if you go there and can touch it. or how you insist that "I lo chi" is the right way to say i love you.



i know it's still to early to tell but after 24 months of having you and watching you grow, i know you'll be a girl that's not stubborn but headstrong, not difficult but assertive, not reckless but self-assured, not pretentious but ambitious, not nagging but persuasive, and not only imaginative but creative. i know it's to soon to tell, but i know you'll go far. i promise you.



I lo chi.
Mamma.

arwen's second year from Lisha Johanabas on Vimeo.

songs : Angel by Jack Johnson, I'm There Too by Michelle Featherstone, and an excerpt from I Found You by Luluc