quite a scare

we went for our scheduled checkup last saturday, unassuming and thinking everything is ok. checked my urine, seems ok, checked my weight, tak naik satu kilo pun from 3 weeks ago. puasa, maybe. padahal selalu na ponteng puasa. then during the ultrasound, doctor found out the baby's breeched. his head is just under my right ribcage and legs have been doing the jig on my bladder and his arms have been suckerpunching my left side. his weight has gone up to 2.1kg (estimate) and his according to calculation, he's 32 weeks. which is a week ahead so i'm still anticipating the delivery will be around end of September, or very early october.

i asked the doctor if there's any way to help the baby turn back into his expected position but the doctor assured me to just wait and let him turn himself back around. there's still plenty of space and time for him to turn. i never had this scare with Arwen before so it obviously sent me into a panic. i do not want a ceasarean so i'm praying hard the baby will turn in time. we have another checkup after raya so we'll see what happens then.

then yesterday, i was lying down after folding 4 loads of laundry to ease my backpain and arwen was playing around me and doing what she does, which is definitely NOT SITTING QUIETLY PLAYING WITH TOYS OR WATCHING CARTOONS. instead of walking around me, she decided to just walk over my tummy to cross. for some reason, she suddenly stopped and accidently sat on my tummy. it was probably just an accident, and that she didn't mean to, that she was bracing herself for a fall and just so happen my tummy is there to cushion her butt. but yeah, she sat hard on her baby brother. of course, i had another bout of panic because HELLO? a 17kg person suddenly just plonking her butt on a 30+ week pregnant tummy? of course it's painful and scary.

so i was fuming with rage, winching in pain and crying of fear and i just left her dad to deal with her. because if it's left to me, she won't be taking to me for days. so i rubbed my belly, talked to the baby and asked him to move just to know that he's ok in there. he moved, a lot, thank god. but not entirely satisfied, i put on the doppler to check and listen to his heartbeat. it took a while to find it which further fed my panic but i finally found it and it sounded strong and looks good. so yeah, we're ok. not even a sore.

Arwen of course, after the storm of rage subsided and she had her nap, felt the ultimate guilt. too much guilt for an almost 4 year old to contain, i think. without even being asked to, she rubbed my tummy, told me she's sorry and told her unborn baby brother how sorry she is for sitting on him and that she didn't mean to and she will never ever do it again. then she kissed it.

i mean, people, i cried. of course i cried. what she did then was so humbling and heart-warming. i mean, she hasn't really fully grasp that what i have in my tummy, something she cannot see or comprehend how it got there, is another person. yet she's already treating him like another human being, like family, like a brother. i cannot wait to deliver this baby so i can see how big-sisterly Arwen will be.