eeekh

if i can spell out the noises that come out of my mouth these days, then "eeekh" would probably be my overused phrase. i use it all the time. when i get out of the chair, when i get up from laying down on a low mattress, when i get out of bed, when trying to put on undies and pants, when looking at the stairs that i have to climb up to get to work every morning, when trying to reach down to wash and wipe my ass, and also EVERY SINGLE STEP I TAKE.

eeekh.

so we went for our checkup last saturday. the baby is looking really cute and cheeky. by cheeky i mean there were CHEEKS! really tembam cheeks you'd want to squeeze and kiss and pinch all the time. like mine. eeekh! although my profile looks like i'm carrying twins, the baby is only weighing at 2.4kg average and the doctor expects her to be at least 2.9kg at birth. i was hoping she'd be a 3 pointer baby, but hey, if smaller means a possibly easier childbirth ... then a 2 pointer is fine by me.

i've been pointing out this fact to my husband, that our days spent alone together, having meals together, walking hand in hand at the mall, looking, admiring, thinking, dreaming of stuff that don't match up our payslips combined, sleeping together in peace (for instances when neither of us are snoring) ... are numbered. this is our last month of freedom. and with the delivery that's due whenever from now till the second week of september, any week could be our last week of freedom, any day could be the last day of freedom.

and then there'll be a lot of midnight wakeys, poopy diaper changing, constant boob feeding, the boob pumping, the CRYING AND SCREAMING at sleep time that will make all the snoring seems like the breaking of the waves on the beach at sunset, the stroller pushing, baby chasing, yelling at her to sit quietly in the back of the car and no jumping around for goodness sakes. ooohh.. can you imagine all the relentless questionings when they reach 5 years old? i cant wait to find out how stupid i am for not being able to give answers to 5 year olds.

yes, i'm getting way ahead of myself here. but can you blame me? well, yes, of course you can. you can say "haven't you heard of condoms?" like what my brother always do. my point is, this motherhood thing is pretty scary. you've patiently (not in my case) cooked the bun for 9 months and pushed out a human and it doesn't stop there. it never stops till you're dead. and even then, with all the constant worrying that your daughter wont do half the things you did when you were young and stupid - like piercing your navel, or falling for that stupid mat salleh guy because you're going through your SPG phase, or refuse to eat your vegetables, or forging your mom's signature in report cards - you'd NEVER rest in peace. that's why ghosts ... are mostly women.

ayis is also worried about everything these days. he's been smoking a lot again, something i dont necessarily appreciate, but can understand. as long as he's doing it as far away from me and my pregnant belly as possible, i really don't mind.

as much as i can't wait for the baby to come out, so that i can cuddle her and kiss her and breathe her ... deep down, i wish she could stay in there and cook for a little while longer so that i don't have to worry about anything else except if she's moving more than 10 times in 12 hours.